On Single-Dom

Okay, so I started to write this post last December and got a little sidetracked in life....regardless, it still has a great article :)

After reading Singled Out: How Churches Can Embrace Unmarried Adults, I thought back to a lot of the interactions and experiences I'd had over the years.  Regardless of the frustrations I've felt, my faith itself has never wavered due to something directly related to this topic, it's just kind of something that is perpetually irksome.

 It's extremely easy to feel very lost, left out, and irrelevant as a single person in church.  I don't intend to point fingers at a particular one as I have frequented many in my adult (scary word) life.  Involving singles is something they can all work on.  I don't by ANY way shape or form mean that they should be offering matchmaking or dating services (not even close!), but it's pretty easy to feel overlooked or incomplete in a church setting.  Conversations frequently start with children, how many, and ages which inevitably leads to "my" children which I must have???  Nope.  Husband? Nope.  Boy---- Nope....at this point people are sometimes left standing awkwardly wondering what to say next.

Secondly, many people mistakenly assume that all Christian singles at church are "shopping" for eligible singles.  Not so.  Honestly, I'd love the opportunity to just fellowship with other people who share the similarity of singleness.  Single life is very different than married life.  While I greatly appreciate the opportunity to fellowship with the women in my ladies bible study across different stages in life and with families in my church, there is a something totally different about fellowshipping, encouraging, and enjoying the company of other single believers.

We want to be involved.  We want to feel needed.  These are human wants in any community.  Shouldn't they be met in a place where people are modeling their lives after the only perfect man's teachings?

New Chapter, New Challenges

So many changes in the past few weeks--new job, new apartment, new town--AHH!  New! NEW! NeW!

I love working with my residents!  It's a brand new adventure everyday and each day definitely has its challenges.  A big thing so far has been the lack of internet which is both a good and bad thing. On the down side, students tend to be pretty addicted to internet and have been more than a little miffed at the lack of reliable internet, not to mention it makes it a little tough to complete online homework.  However, on a good note, the wonky internet has forced students out of their rooms into the hallways and common rooms and they are interacting with each other and making friends faster.

I'm praying for balance as the year gets underway, it's been a big adjustment to get used to working out of an office instead of my apartment.  Plus, the lack of internet aside from my work computer makes it hard to do any of my personal life internet (banking, email, bills, etc.) without having people in my office or knocking on my door.  Without balance my introvert self with be fried in short order (no pun intended :) ).

Sleep is a big deal, I feel like I spend all my non office time sleeping.....I guess that would also be a balance thing.  I still am not unpacked :(  Dreamland is calling!

The Persevering Stage

A wise and gracious friend of mine encouraged me today.  As I lamented and vented about my job/living situation she kindly reminded me this is a "Persevering Stage" of my faith.  I am to continue trusting that God has a map/plan and it may not match my mapped out plan but it is where I need to be.  Another part of this is to embrace moving into the "question mark" section of the plan even when I don't know where I'm going, what I'm doing or where I'm living.  Sounds like so much fun.  Not.  Actually, my response to her was this was not the persevering stage, this was the curl up in a ball and cry stage.  She laughed.  I was serious.  However, I was not correct.  This IS the stage where I just have to continue trusting that God can work miracles in future employers, he does have a plan for my job, my life, my everything.  If I'm continuously allowing myself to see the situation as hopeless, I'm making my God insufficient.  I'm squeezing Him into a box of incapability and weakness which in turn leaves me incapable and weak because all that I am comes from Him.  A vicious cycle. 

Also shared by another friend tonight:

Colossians 4:2, 5&6

Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving.  Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward nonbelievers making the most of every opportunity.  Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. 

I never cease to be amazed by His timing. 

Another Lesson from Oswald

Lessons from My Utmost for His Highest last night....

Huh.  Further proof that this stressing till my hair falls out probably isn't healthy :)  Life, jobs, friendships/relationships, why do I stress myself to max?  By worrying about it, I'm usually letting myself make rash decisions to "get myself out ASAP" and avoid any and all uncomfortable places.  I'm not a fan of the process.  I want results now and I want it to be comfortable the whole way.  Unrealistic? Of course, however, I'm an idealist, not a realist, this will always be a hard point. Idealist?  I tell myself I'm not a worrier, I'm an analyzer.  There's a very fine line between analyzing and worrying and lately I'm finding myself on the wrong side. I'm overanalyzing every little possibility of failure and finding so many possibilities to crash and burn it is inhibiting the ability to trust that it WILL be okay because not only do I not control the universe and I don't have to!  By allowing myself to fret, worry and bury myself in endless possibilities of what-ifs, I jump to decisions and make choices that I may easily regret later.  Does that mean God says, "O shoot, you screwed yourself over, that was OBVIOUSLY not the direction I had planned for you, stinks to be you, see ya later!?"  Nope. However, the promise to never leave me or forsake me is also not a guarantee that no matter what I do it will all be smooth sailing.  There are consequences for everything, for every decision I make, either good or bad, but through it all He's there pushing me on toward the prize, the end, His glory.  

"One of God's Great Don'ts"

Do not fret— it only causes harm —Psalm 37:8

Fretting means getting ourselves “out of joint” mentally or spiritually. It is one thing to say, “Do not fret,” but something very different to have such a nature that you find yourself unable to fret. It’s easy to say, “Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him” (Psalm 37:7) until our own little world is turned upside down and we are forced to live in confusion and agony like so many other people. Is it possible to “rest in the Lord” then? If this “Do not” doesn’t work there, then it will not work anywhere. This “Do not” must work during our days of difficulty and uncertainty, as well as our peaceful days, or it will never work. And if it will not work in your particular case, it will not work for anyone else. Resting in the Lord is not dependent on your external circumstances at all, but on your relationship with God Himself.

Worrying always results in sin. We tend to think that a little anxiety and worry are simply an indication of how wise we really are, yet it is actually a much better indication of just how wicked we are. Fretting rises from our determination to have our own way. Our Lord never worried and was never anxious, because His purpose was never to accomplish His own plans but to fulfill God’s plans. Fretting is wickedness for a child of God.

Have you been propping up that foolish soul of yours with the idea that your circumstances are too much for God to handle? Set all your opinions and speculations aside and “abide under the shadow of the Almighty” (Psalm 91:1). Deliberately tell God that you will not fret about whatever concerns you. All our fretting and worrying is caused by planning without God.

PC Owner's Must Have Programs

It has never ceased to amaze me how many of my PC owning friends and family members are lacking basic computer protecting knowledge.  With the incredible volume of viruses, Trojans, malware, adware, rootkits,  and other malicious software that is just an accidental click away from severely crippling your computer, one would THINK protecting your computer would be at the forefront of any basic computer use course or training program.  This is FAR more useful than knowing how to use Microsoft Word!  LOL Also, Learning how to periodically clean up fragmented, unused, and temp files along with your internet browser cookies will drastically improve your load time.

Am I a professional with any sort of official computer training?  No.  However, after spending the past 17 years working both with and on my own to keep my parents, then friends of my parents, then my own laptop, friend's laptops running smoothly and efficiently I have found some great tools that make the whole thing MUCH easier.

PREVENTION

While I am no longer a PC (Yup, I'm a Mac :) ) myself, I still have the luxury of working on quite a few PC's in the course of a year.  Also, while I've never had an issue over the past 4 years with my Macbook, I do still take regular precautions of:

• Not clicking on any pop-up ads
• Not clicking on any ads period
• If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is!  - don't click
• Also, after 3 years problem free, I did opt to install free Sophos Anti-Virus for Mac

ANTI-VIRUS PROTECTION

First off, if you have a PC you MUST have good anti-virus protection.  This is essential!  The most common issues for improper anti-virus protection seem to be:

1. Out of date anti-virus protection
2. Running MULTIPLE anti-virus programs (more is not better)
3. No anti-virus protection

There is no excuse for not having a perfectly functioning anti-virus program.  There are plenty of companies who'd love to sell you their product (Norton & McAfee to name a couple) or if you're more a fan of FREE (like me), your college or institution may offer an anti-virus program as a free download (usually limited to one per student/employee).  This cuts down on your IT office's headache in the long run.  

There are also numerous free anti-virus programs available for download via the internet.  My person favorite over the years has been AVG, it is a quick download, the user interface is easy to use, and updates are a breeze.  It works as reliably (if not more so) than both Norton & McAfee. Other Free Anti-Virus programs exist as well.  

TROJANS, MALWARE, ADWARE, ROOTKITS & OTHER MALICIOUS SOFTWARE 

Don't think that just because you have a functioning Anti-Virus program you are fully protected from internet dangers.  That kind of thinking will get you into major trouble at some point down the road.  Every time you visit a webpage, make a search or click on something while connected to the internet you are leaving yourself vulnerable to attack.  If you regularly visit sites that are heavily laden with ads, make frequent downloads onto your computer from internet sources, or if you use (though people hate to admit it!) piracy websites for watching movies & tv shows, listening/ripping music, or file sharing you are even more at risk.

Some programs (all free downloads!) to help combat the attack on your computer include (in no particular order):

• Malwarebytes - Works great against stubborn malware
• Spybot Search & Destroy - Great basic protection
• House Call - For if you think your computer might be infected and your other programs might have missed it or have become infected themselves
• AdAware - Great basic protection

All of these should be run regularly to ensure nothing is slipping through and silently (or not so silently!) infecting/corrupting your files and pulling a coup d'état on your computer.  

BASIC COMPUTER CARE

You may notice that after time your computer takes longer to load when you click to open something, that your fan runs more often because your machine is thinking harder trying to follow rabbit trails and dead ends while it searches its memory for what you're looking for.  

Periodically, you should check for fragmentation of your files and defragment if necessary.  This is relatively easy and by clicking on your start menu (newer windows versions have a green circle), next click on "All Programs," then click the "Accessories" folder, click on "System Tools" and then click "Defragment."  You will then run an "Assess" scan to see whether defragging could help your computer at this point.  Chances are, if you've owned your computer for six months or more and have no idea what I was talking about at the beginning of this section, you need to defragment.  Once the assessment is completed, if it suggested to defrag, go ahead and defrag.  This may take anywhere from 30 minutes to a few hours depending on the extent of fragmentation, your computer speed, what else is going on with your computer, etc.  

In that same "System Tools" folder where you found the "Defragment" icon, you will also see a "Compress Files" or "Disk Clean Up" icon.  If you click this it will give you the option to clean out temporary files that you don't need anymore and to compress old files that you haven't accessed in a long time in order to take up less space.  

An even better option for cleaning up your drives (and probably my FAVORITE program out of all that I've mentioned) is to download CCleaner.  This nifty little program not only cleans up your old files on your C: drive, it also cleans up the registry, checks for fragmented files, gets rid of temp folders, cookies, and lots more.  It runs relatively lightly on your system, is VERY easy to use, it even automatically knows when it needs to update and takes you to FileHippo directly to the newest version!  

Well, this is definitely longer than I think ANY of my previous posts.....but if even ONE person in their online stumbling is able to make their computer run smoother and less crippled, it is worth it.   

Brains....

So many days I just want to turn off my brain, to shut off the constant rolling over of scenarios, conversations, potential ideas and past mistakes.  I wish my brain wasn't so analytical and set on looking at every aspect of my life and those around me from every possible point of view.  It is exhausting.  I'm told that it shouldn't matter, I shouldn't care so much, that I go above and beyond.  Does anyone realize it isn't even so much of a choice of what I want to do, rather it is something I have to do to be able to live with myself?

Living with ADD has been described as living with hundreds of TVs all turned on to different channels in your head at once.  I don't have ADD, but there are days when I think I can understand what it feels like, when I have not only my own struggles to deal with and how I will accomplish MY to-do list, but then someone else's life derails and I'm sent into recovery mode.  Pick up their pieces, dust them off, pass them tissues, let them melt down and then begin the reassembly process.  My to do list tends to fall by the wayside, my apartment usually looks like a bomb went off because it's always the bottom of the priority list.

Yes, I suppose there are upsides, of being so in tune with people.  It makes it easier to read them and figure out if I'm on the right track, but it would be nice to have the option of when it happens or not.  There are just some days when I'm too tired (or think I am) to deal with anyone but myself, but the brain doesn't take days off.  I can't even send it on vacation!

I guess I'll just continue on, leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.

The Unknown

I can only imagine, it must seem that all I do is spend my days reading Oswald Chambers!  LOL Honestly, I don't, but when I do read his work I am always struck by the depth and truth in his point of view.  His explorations and teachings have greatly impacted my life.

I'm hanging by a thread, I don't know what the next move in my life is.  All I know is that when I let go, it will be a free fall to God knows where.  I don't like not being able to see around the corner, to see what's coming next.  I don't like it at all, not one teensy bit.  I should be excited for what may be coming, because in the long run, it can only be good for me, that much was promised a long time ago.

From My Utmost for His Highest: 

Naturally, we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing... Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life; gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life.  To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth.  This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should rather be an expression of breathless expectation. 

And it makes me want to-- SHOUT!

Throw my hands up and--SHOUT!

Yeah.  

Things that make me want to scream:

In Frustration:

* Uncooperative Christmas Lights

* People who pull RIGHT out in front of you and drive 5 MPH on bare roads OR 11MPH in a 35 on bare roads.....

* Problems on tests that I made stupid mistakes on......all because my brain was fried from 3 Exams and 2 projects in 36 hours. 

* Stepping in puddles that make my socks wet.

* Not being able to figure out why my car (loaner) is stalling randomly while idling.

* Not being able to find a car to buy in my budget.

In Ecstasy:

* Laughing with Friends

* Good music

* Driving on empty roads (vroomvroom =P)

* Family (usually)

* When Stats finally click

* When I actually paint a half decent watercolor 

I Don't Understand

How can life be soooo exhausting sometimes?  I don't get it.  This past week and especially today has been quite rough.  While I was digging through a card box yesterday I found a quote that was quite fitting: "If adversity builds character, yours has been getting quite a workout lately".  I can only pray that I will learn and become stronger in Christ.  The fight to remain sensitive to Him and not to snap back at the people and circumstances of the day is a constant struggle for me.  I need help from Him.

Frosty Grass and Crunchy Leaves

BRRRRRR! It's getting COLD up here :) heehee. 23 outside this morning at 8...it dipped down to 19 last night :) Snow predicted for Wednesday! Ahhh, I love it! :)



I made it through my rough two weeks alive, and only slightly worse for wear. This week I have wicked exciting things to look forward to! Grover friends coming to my beloved Maine! :):):) I can hardly wait! I've been shaking with anticipation and marking off calendar days for a month! lol :):)

Classes are going well for the most part. I had a hard time prepping for my last exam and I have a hard time understanding my clinical instructor...or rather getting the information I need from her. But after a long talk with my advisor and the head of the nursing department I have a plan. :)

OH! Happy news! I have honestly been praying for some Christian fellowship outside of church service. I was getting discouraged. Then--WOOHOO! :) Soooo, Saturday afternoon I was standing on my head in the trunk of my car to change my brake light (my trunk is really deep so I have to bend over and all you can see is my legs and butt...lol) when my RD walked up beside me and said he'd seen me at the Wesleyan church.....and I was dumbfounded. lol! Anyways! We talked for a long time and he's a strong Christian! He invited me to go out with them after the service that night (The Wesleyan church has a Saturday night service....that is the one I like best and usually go to) I was SOOOOOOOO excited! So I went! And I met so many awesome people.....we stayed at church from 6-8....visiting and fellowshipping and it was GREAT! After that we went to the Governor's and just had a blast getting talk some more. So cool. AND then, at 10pm...lol we went to Tim Horton's and talked some more! Adam (my RD) said in the 6 or 7 years since he's been an RD here there has been only ONE other Christian each year....and he was excited because he is pretty sure there are 4 or 5 of us this year! :):):) We talked and decided to try and start a bible study one night a week for an hour and a half each time! I'm wicked excited!!!!!! SO COOL! So....by the time that I got back to my dorm room from all of this it was midnight....lol

I got to go to an art show opening last night with Uncle Jme.....wicked cool! I love going to those kind of things....just a whole different atmosphere! I love taking in other people's feelings and interpretations of life around them. Just really nice to be around art heads for a bit :) that is one thing that i miss being here at NM, there isn't an art studio or anything like that here on campus...at least at GCC I could go poke my head in the art studio and refresh myself by looking at other people's stuff. :)

Well, time to get back to my studies! hugs, e.

A Delicate Balance of Abnormality

So I'm still a bad blogger. Nothing new there. At least I can accept that....isn't that the first step in fixing a problem? Acknowledging that I actually have one?

Anyways, in an attempt to better my blogging abilities, here is my life. In all its abnormality.

I am loving my Nursing classes and I like all my classes in general and realize this is what i do want to do. God blessed me with a great hall-mate who is kind of my roommate but not really. (we live on a 5 room wing. all the rooms are doubles, but we both have "singles" --double rooms with only one occupant--and the other 3 rooms are empty. so we basically have our own space but we see each other all the time) anyways, it is really neat because we've been able to kind of church hunt together and have regular life conversations, etc. i started my clinical stuff last week. I'm doing mine at the maine veterans home in Presque Isle.....and that is basically all i can tell you because of patient confidentiality :) Grade-wise/stress-wise this year is going very well and is a welcome relief from Grove City in that regard.

However, I miss my Grover friends miserably and that part has been extremely difficult. I know this is where I'm supposed to be and the whole friend thing has been a major growing point. The social scene is extremely lacking up here and I haven't met many new people...very few.

I am enjoying being in "the County" though, it is so beautiful and the people are so nice. :) I have found a church that I like up here, too!

This weekend I went home and got to spend time with my family....we had some adventures :) I got to be the camerawoman for Hillary and Jacob's latest production (an English project) and was dying laughing the whole time....they are so numb!!! lol They left for Fryeburg Fair this afternoon....so sad I didn't get to go! :( Oh, haha, on Saturday morning I awoke to the sound of the washmachine (it is right next to my bedroom) and Dragonforce's Through the Fire and the Flames blasting on about 50 just outside my bedroom door....when I opened my door and came out Hillary was like, "wow, are you seriously just waking up?" I said, "ummmm, yeah?" Hillary: "whoa, how did you sleep through that? we've been up for like an hour or so!" Apparently I am a very heavy sleeper......either that or Dragonforce is a lullaby :).

So now I am back up north. Work in the morning. Good night! e.

PS I have come to the conclusion that I cannot imagine life without music. I am so thankful that God gave us that! My life could be a musical....every morning I wake up with a song in my head... even before I open my eyes. I don't think that is normal. Friday it was Audio Adrenaline's "Original Species", yesterday it was Brandi Carlile's "The Story" and today it was Fleetwood Mac's "Never Going Back Again"....hm, maybe that was an omen....that I was going back to school.....hrm.

Home again, home again!

Well, I survived my finals and flew home on Monday night. Unfortunately, I got hung up at JFK for 4+ hours instead of my scheduled 1.5.......apparently we were waiting for our pilot, but once she arrived they found mechanical problems...yay. Robyn went with my mom to pick me up in Portland....wicked fun to be able to catch up with her while mom slept :). Anyways, I finally got home at 4am....so nice to sleep in my own bed!

Yesterday (Wednesday) I had my interview at Lincoln Pulp and Tissue; I applied through their student hire program. There were 6 other students, including 2 people I knew. I was the first one called in for my interview....AHHH!! lol I thought it went pretty well and a couple hours later they called and offered me the job! :) YAY! Wicked exciting! It doesn't start until June 12 though so I am currently looking for another job until then. Maybe subbing at the elementary school? I don't know.

I'm trying to get unpacked but it is hard because my room is kind of full and I ran out of hangers....haha oh well, I'll make it to walmart soon!

I went to Jacob's baseball game this afternoon....kinda chilly out. They lost. shoot. Hills had her softball game tonight as well but it was far away so mom and I didn't go. She hit 2 home runs and a triple. One home run was over the fence, the other on errors.

It is weird being home and not around all my friends from school but I will be back there soon enough and I need to remember to enjoy my family while I am here.

I may be headed out to camp for a bit while I'm waiting for my job to start....that will be nice! For now I'm just praying the sun comes back out and it warms up!

Hugs to you all! e.