New Chapter, New Challenges

So many changes in the past few weeks--new job, new apartment, new town--AHH!  New! NEW! NeW!

I love working with my residents!  It's a brand new adventure everyday and each day definitely has its challenges.  A big thing so far has been the lack of internet which is both a good and bad thing. On the down side, students tend to be pretty addicted to internet and have been more than a little miffed at the lack of reliable internet, not to mention it makes it a little tough to complete online homework.  However, on a good note, the wonky internet has forced students out of their rooms into the hallways and common rooms and they are interacting with each other and making friends faster.

I'm praying for balance as the year gets underway, it's been a big adjustment to get used to working out of an office instead of my apartment.  Plus, the lack of internet aside from my work computer makes it hard to do any of my personal life internet (banking, email, bills, etc.) without having people in my office or knocking on my door.  Without balance my introvert self with be fried in short order (no pun intended :) ).

Sleep is a big deal, I feel like I spend all my non office time sleeping.....I guess that would also be a balance thing.  I still am not unpacked :(  Dreamland is calling!

The Best Parts of Being an Adult (to be added to!)

• Eating ice cream sundaes for supper or cookies for breakfast
• Driving
• Taking really long showers without someone yelling, "You're using too much hot water!"
• Popcorn is allowed to be a major food group
• Bedtime can be whenever you want (as long as you remember to set your alarm :) )
• You only have to clean up your own messes (well, as long as you're single and aren't obsessed with cleaning up everyone's messes for them!)
• You can eat junk cereal two days in a row without getting into trouble
• If you forget to clean your room before you go "play" you aren't grounded
• You don't HAVE to brush your teeth before you go to bed......but it's still a good idea
• If you feel like wearing plaid with those polka dots, YOU CAN! (but you might end up on the next episode of What Not To Wear)
• You can be friends with whomever you choose and how you choose is up to you
• You (hopefully) realize that you're an integral piece of a great puzzle and everything you do has repercussions and meaning. Life has a purpose and you're important!

Sweet Show!

Thunder and lightning go together like peanut butter and jelly or milk and cookies right?  Apparently not always so!  Up until last night, I have NEVER in my life seen so much lightning without even a low rumble of thunder.  It was extremely eerie watching lightning that close with so many rapid fire flashes but all the time being completely and utterly silent.

Apparently, (according to my aunt (a science teacher) and a little bit of internet research) this phenomenon is called cloud lightning or cloud to cloud lightning.  It is caused when a charge builds up on only one side of the cloud and the lightning stays within the cloud and doesn't strike the ground.  Generally, the cloud lights up and flickers (which is what we observed) and the lightning occurs at very rapid intervals.

Who knew!?

(This isn't my pic, just one of Intra Cloud Cloud to Cloud lightning)

A Little 90's Flashback

Audio Adrenaline has always been a favorite band of mine, pretty much since I was old enough to pick out my own music :)  They're right up there with Jennifer Knapp for being the music carrying me through the rough spots in life.  

This is "Underdog" one of my favorite songs and a fantastic mood booster......and this vid is ADORABLE......the little underdog is running around with a jock strap on his head LOL  :)  Enjoy!  Lyrics below

I am so weak and I'm so tired

It's hard for me to

Find enough strength to feed the fires

That fuel my ego

And consequently all my pride has all but died

Which leaves me

Down on my knees

Back to the place I

Should have started from

Been beat up

Been broken down

Nowhere but up

When you're facedown

On the ground

I'm in last place

If I place at all

But there's hope for this underdog!

That's the way, uh-huh, we like it!

That's the way, uh-huh, we like it!

You can call me the underdog

I'm in this race to win a prize

The odds against me

The world has plans for my demise

What they don't see

Is that a winner is not judged by his small size

But by the substitute he picks to run the race

And mine's already won

The Persevering Stage

A wise and gracious friend of mine encouraged me today.  As I lamented and vented about my job/living situation she kindly reminded me this is a "Persevering Stage" of my faith.  I am to continue trusting that God has a map/plan and it may not match my mapped out plan but it is where I need to be.  Another part of this is to embrace moving into the "question mark" section of the plan even when I don't know where I'm going, what I'm doing or where I'm living.  Sounds like so much fun.  Not.  Actually, my response to her was this was not the persevering stage, this was the curl up in a ball and cry stage.  She laughed.  I was serious.  However, I was not correct.  This IS the stage where I just have to continue trusting that God can work miracles in future employers, he does have a plan for my job, my life, my everything.  If I'm continuously allowing myself to see the situation as hopeless, I'm making my God insufficient.  I'm squeezing Him into a box of incapability and weakness which in turn leaves me incapable and weak because all that I am comes from Him.  A vicious cycle. 

Also shared by another friend tonight:

Colossians 4:2, 5&6

Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving.  Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward nonbelievers making the most of every opportunity.  Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. 

I never cease to be amazed by His timing. 

Another Lesson from Oswald

Lessons from My Utmost for His Highest last night....

Huh.  Further proof that this stressing till my hair falls out probably isn't healthy :)  Life, jobs, friendships/relationships, why do I stress myself to max?  By worrying about it, I'm usually letting myself make rash decisions to "get myself out ASAP" and avoid any and all uncomfortable places.  I'm not a fan of the process.  I want results now and I want it to be comfortable the whole way.  Unrealistic? Of course, however, I'm an idealist, not a realist, this will always be a hard point. Idealist?  I tell myself I'm not a worrier, I'm an analyzer.  There's a very fine line between analyzing and worrying and lately I'm finding myself on the wrong side. I'm overanalyzing every little possibility of failure and finding so many possibilities to crash and burn it is inhibiting the ability to trust that it WILL be okay because not only do I not control the universe and I don't have to!  By allowing myself to fret, worry and bury myself in endless possibilities of what-ifs, I jump to decisions and make choices that I may easily regret later.  Does that mean God says, "O shoot, you screwed yourself over, that was OBVIOUSLY not the direction I had planned for you, stinks to be you, see ya later!?"  Nope. However, the promise to never leave me or forsake me is also not a guarantee that no matter what I do it will all be smooth sailing.  There are consequences for everything, for every decision I make, either good or bad, but through it all He's there pushing me on toward the prize, the end, His glory.  

"One of God's Great Don'ts"

Do not fret— it only causes harm —Psalm 37:8

Fretting means getting ourselves “out of joint” mentally or spiritually. It is one thing to say, “Do not fret,” but something very different to have such a nature that you find yourself unable to fret. It’s easy to say, “Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him” (Psalm 37:7) until our own little world is turned upside down and we are forced to live in confusion and agony like so many other people. Is it possible to “rest in the Lord” then? If this “Do not” doesn’t work there, then it will not work anywhere. This “Do not” must work during our days of difficulty and uncertainty, as well as our peaceful days, or it will never work. And if it will not work in your particular case, it will not work for anyone else. Resting in the Lord is not dependent on your external circumstances at all, but on your relationship with God Himself.

Worrying always results in sin. We tend to think that a little anxiety and worry are simply an indication of how wise we really are, yet it is actually a much better indication of just how wicked we are. Fretting rises from our determination to have our own way. Our Lord never worried and was never anxious, because His purpose was never to accomplish His own plans but to fulfill God’s plans. Fretting is wickedness for a child of God.

Have you been propping up that foolish soul of yours with the idea that your circumstances are too much for God to handle? Set all your opinions and speculations aside and “abide under the shadow of the Almighty” (Psalm 91:1). Deliberately tell God that you will not fret about whatever concerns you. All our fretting and worrying is caused by planning without God.

Always Wondering...

...Am I doing it right?  Interceding and lifting those up who are around me is a constant, but it is so easy to fall back and say, "This is such a difficult time for them, I'll just pray it away."  It is easy to forget the prunings, the firings, the testings of life are what God uses to mold us into who he'd have us be or to draw us unto himself.   This devo on May 3rd kind of drove that home for me and has been running through the back of my mind ever since.  Am I interceding because I truly want them have connection with God or is it because my sympathies and emotions are aroused and I want everything to smooth out and go easier for them?  These are tough questions for me.

Vital Intercession - Oswald Chambers 

“…praying always with prayer and supplication in the Spirit…”  Ephesians 6:18

As we continue on in our intercession for others, we may find that our obedience to God in interceding is going to cost those for whom we intercede more than we ever thought.  The danger in this is that we begin to intercede in sympathy with those whom God was gradually lifting up to a totally different level in close identification with God’s interest and concern for others and step into having emotional sympathy with them, the vital connection with God is gone.  We have then put our sympathy and concern for them in the way.  And this is a deliberate rebuke to God.

It is impossible for us to have living and vital intercession unless we are perfectly and completely sure of God.  And the greatest destroyer of that confident relationship to God, so necessary for intercession, is our own personal sympathy and preconceived bias.  Identification with God is the key to intercession and whenever we stop being identified with Him it is not likely that sin will interfere with our intercessory relationship with Goy, but sympathy will.  It is sympathy with ourselves or with others that makes us say, “I will not allow that thing to happen.”  And instantly we are out of that vital connection with God.

Vital intercession leaves you with neither the time nor the inclination to pray for your own “sad and pitiful self.” You do not have to struggle to keep thoughts of yourself out, because they are not even there to be kept out of your thinking.  You are completely and entirely identified with God’s interests and concerns in others lives.  God gives us discernment in the lives of others to call us to intercession for them, never so that we may find fault with them.  

PC Owner's Must Have Programs

It has never ceased to amaze me how many of my PC owning friends and family members are lacking basic computer protecting knowledge.  With the incredible volume of viruses, Trojans, malware, adware, rootkits,  and other malicious software that is just an accidental click away from severely crippling your computer, one would THINK protecting your computer would be at the forefront of any basic computer use course or training program.  This is FAR more useful than knowing how to use Microsoft Word!  LOL Also, Learning how to periodically clean up fragmented, unused, and temp files along with your internet browser cookies will drastically improve your load time.

Am I a professional with any sort of official computer training?  No.  However, after spending the past 17 years working both with and on my own to keep my parents, then friends of my parents, then my own laptop, friend's laptops running smoothly and efficiently I have found some great tools that make the whole thing MUCH easier.

PREVENTION

While I am no longer a PC (Yup, I'm a Mac :) ) myself, I still have the luxury of working on quite a few PC's in the course of a year.  Also, while I've never had an issue over the past 4 years with my Macbook, I do still take regular precautions of:

• Not clicking on any pop-up ads
• Not clicking on any ads period
• If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is!  - don't click
• Also, after 3 years problem free, I did opt to install free Sophos Anti-Virus for Mac

ANTI-VIRUS PROTECTION

First off, if you have a PC you MUST have good anti-virus protection.  This is essential!  The most common issues for improper anti-virus protection seem to be:

1. Out of date anti-virus protection
2. Running MULTIPLE anti-virus programs (more is not better)
3. No anti-virus protection

There is no excuse for not having a perfectly functioning anti-virus program.  There are plenty of companies who'd love to sell you their product (Norton & McAfee to name a couple) or if you're more a fan of FREE (like me), your college or institution may offer an anti-virus program as a free download (usually limited to one per student/employee).  This cuts down on your IT office's headache in the long run.  

There are also numerous free anti-virus programs available for download via the internet.  My person favorite over the years has been AVG, it is a quick download, the user interface is easy to use, and updates are a breeze.  It works as reliably (if not more so) than both Norton & McAfee. Other Free Anti-Virus programs exist as well.  

TROJANS, MALWARE, ADWARE, ROOTKITS & OTHER MALICIOUS SOFTWARE 

Don't think that just because you have a functioning Anti-Virus program you are fully protected from internet dangers.  That kind of thinking will get you into major trouble at some point down the road.  Every time you visit a webpage, make a search or click on something while connected to the internet you are leaving yourself vulnerable to attack.  If you regularly visit sites that are heavily laden with ads, make frequent downloads onto your computer from internet sources, or if you use (though people hate to admit it!) piracy websites for watching movies & tv shows, listening/ripping music, or file sharing you are even more at risk.

Some programs (all free downloads!) to help combat the attack on your computer include (in no particular order):

• Malwarebytes - Works great against stubborn malware
• Spybot Search & Destroy - Great basic protection
• House Call - For if you think your computer might be infected and your other programs might have missed it or have become infected themselves
• AdAware - Great basic protection

All of these should be run regularly to ensure nothing is slipping through and silently (or not so silently!) infecting/corrupting your files and pulling a coup d'état on your computer.  

BASIC COMPUTER CARE

You may notice that after time your computer takes longer to load when you click to open something, that your fan runs more often because your machine is thinking harder trying to follow rabbit trails and dead ends while it searches its memory for what you're looking for.  

Periodically, you should check for fragmentation of your files and defragment if necessary.  This is relatively easy and by clicking on your start menu (newer windows versions have a green circle), next click on "All Programs," then click the "Accessories" folder, click on "System Tools" and then click "Defragment."  You will then run an "Assess" scan to see whether defragging could help your computer at this point.  Chances are, if you've owned your computer for six months or more and have no idea what I was talking about at the beginning of this section, you need to defragment.  Once the assessment is completed, if it suggested to defrag, go ahead and defrag.  This may take anywhere from 30 minutes to a few hours depending on the extent of fragmentation, your computer speed, what else is going on with your computer, etc.  

In that same "System Tools" folder where you found the "Defragment" icon, you will also see a "Compress Files" or "Disk Clean Up" icon.  If you click this it will give you the option to clean out temporary files that you don't need anymore and to compress old files that you haven't accessed in a long time in order to take up less space.  

An even better option for cleaning up your drives (and probably my FAVORITE program out of all that I've mentioned) is to download CCleaner.  This nifty little program not only cleans up your old files on your C: drive, it also cleans up the registry, checks for fragmented files, gets rid of temp folders, cookies, and lots more.  It runs relatively lightly on your system, is VERY easy to use, it even automatically knows when it needs to update and takes you to FileHippo directly to the newest version!  

Well, this is definitely longer than I think ANY of my previous posts.....but if even ONE person in their online stumbling is able to make their computer run smoother and less crippled, it is worth it.   

O Repetition

Patience.  This is DEFINITELY not a virtue I ever asked for, nor is it one that I have a great handle on.

I am so easily frustrated by having to repeat myself when I'm talking to people.  I get frustrated if they aren't paying attention because they're distracted by their phone with all their other friends, if they just tune me out because they have better things to do, or if they just don't think what I'm saying applies to them so they just check out only to realize later, "O, maybe that was relevant, would you mind repeating that?"

I get so tired of regurgitating the same information, no it hasn't changed since the last time we talked about this; the laws of humanity still apply.  I am just one person with a limited interaction with a small percentage of the world's population.  This tiny slice of humanity has the power to irritate me to the point of major frustration when I feel my time is wasted and not valued.  How much more heavily must this weigh on my Father God when everyone of us (all 7 billion of us!) needs repeated reminders, lessons, and major sit downs????  Huh.  Kinda puts it into perspective.

Don't get me wrong, I love the people in my life, and I CERTAINLY don't have life any more together than the the next person!  Most of the time, I'm not irritated, I don't have to fight for my voice to be heard (thank you women's rights movements!!), and I surely never doubt that as long as I'm attempting to move toward Him, God will ever lose patience repeating Himself to make sure I finally get what He's been trying to teach me for years.

Keep Your Heart Young

Tuesday was the release date for the newest Brandi Carlile album Bear Creek!  I just started listening to it today though as my schedule was a little preoccupied.  Well, that and when I first listen to an album I usually listen on repeat 4-5 times so I can digest it and my dad has been here since Tuesday and I'm pretty sure listening to the same album on repeat is not really his cup of tea :)   So far, I'm only on listen No. 2, but shockingly (can you hear the drip-drop of the sarcasm?) I'm in love so far!  This is one of the songs that initially made me smile because of it's simplicity, yet it is only simplistic on it's surface.  It raises issues of childhood and maintaining innocence and a tender mind/heart throughout one's life instead of allowing our souls, hearts, and minds to become calloused and unfeeling as the world would rather we did. 

"Keep Your Heart Young"

My grandpa gave me a wheat penny and I kept it in my pocket

Had big plans in my backyard to build me a space rocket

Talked to my brother on a fake CB that I made from a tic-tac box

Packed my snowballs nice and tight and in the middle I put rocks

Don't trade in your tic-tac box for a ball on the end of the chain

And don't go spending grandpa's pennies buying into the game

You gotta keep your heart young

Don't go growin' old before your time has come

You can't take back what you have done

You gotta keep your heart young

Dad took the wheels off of my bike and he pushed me down a hill

But speed got the best of me and I took my first spill

That was back when alcohol was only used on cuts

Stung like hell so I shook my leg and mama said it would give me guts

Don't trade in your tic-tac box for a ball on the end of the chain

And don't go spending grandpa's pennies buying into the game

You gotta keep your heart young

Don't go growing old before your time has come

You can't take back what you have done

You gotta keep your heart young

So take a picture of the one you love and put it in a locket

Go dig up your time capsule and the blueprints for your rocket

Keep in touch on a fake CB and that same old tic-tac box

Pack your snowballs a little less tight and in the middle still put rocks

And keep your heart young

Don't go growing old before your time has come

You can't take back what you have done

You gotta keep your heart young

You gotta keep your heart young

Sometimes you don't die quick

Just like you wished you'd done

The love is a loaded gun

You've gotta keep your heart young

You can't take back what you have done

You gotta keep your heart young

Summer Rains and Nights

The Walk:

As I walked out my back door last night to go to work I was overcome by the smell of wet grass and asphalt, smoothly blended with the heavy, amplified aroma of flower blooms.  It's funny how a cold, cloudy day can be changed so quickly by just 15 minutes of rain.  It was the smell of summer.

The Drive:

My mind was still preoccupied with processing the smells from a few minutes prior but I couldn't help but observe with awe the deep pigments and fading light of an almost spent sunset.  Wow.  It was so beautiful.  Who am I to deserve to witness and partake of this beauty? Everyday?

The After:

Pulling back into my parking lot the moon, or rather the obvious lack thereof of a definite "moon" caught my attention.  Sometimes the nature of something shines through even though the face of it is hidden. Like the moon behind a cloud, the bright streams of light break through the patches of open sky giving one glimpses of the bright hope that is beyond and even though you can't see the face of the moon, you know it is there by the beautiful reflected light.

Isn't that what my life is supposed to look like? Like the moon, seeing ME is unnecessary.  My purpose is to reflect the light of my Father's Grace, Mercy, Love, and Hope to the dark world.  That light much more observable if the moon's face isn't distractingly drawing attention to itself.  

Sometimes there are just songs that scream SUMMER!

Just one more?

This has been running through my head for weeks now.  All day, everyday.  "Bless the Lord O my soul, O my soul, Sing like never before, O my soul,  I worship Your holy name."  I push myself to do this, but find myself always looking for "one more reason" first.  I need to remind myself I already have 10,000 reasons.....I shouldn't need more. 

Dandelion Analogies

A stubborn little weed that insists on shoving its impudent head through sidewalk crevices, hopping over flower garden barricades and taking over well kept lawns, a dandelion is a generally disliked nuisance of the summer months.  That said, as spring has finally sprung I've decided I like them.  They tend to tell a story about the people who  own the landscapes  they invade.  

Let me explain... 

Of course most people claim to hate dandelions, but most don't really seem to do much other than half heartedly douse them with RoundUp a couple of times a season.  Others though, they wage a full out war on the fuzzy flowers.  These people are the ones with the perfectly manicured lawns where every blade of grass is uniform and there are no "extra" hideaways taking up residence.  There are still others whose lawns could probably be more easily referred to as "dandelion patches," which are very similar to watermelon patches.....except no watermelons, just dandelions.  

The stories I was reading on people's front lawns went a little like this: dandelions will appear without fail every spring, that's just how it is.  Their yellow,  fuzzy, impudent blossoms fill children's arms and make bouquets for mom's with allergies every year.  None of this will change no matter which of the above three categories someone falls into.  I guess I was struck by how much time society puts into making a perfectly manicured lawn.  Now don't get me wrong, rolling green lawns do look pretty!  However, I decided I LIKED the little orangey yellow flowers because the houses that had them covering their lawns probably had people inside who decided there was something more important in their lives than winning the "best looking lawn" contest on their block.  They decided time spent with people was more important than time spent trying to determine how they would be perceived by said people.  (All of this makes sense in my head....maybe just not so much in writing).  If we spend all our time working out how we are going to "look" and be "perceived" but don't GO and actually spend time with the people being real, we are wasting one of our most precious resources--time. 

I hope my yard is full of dandelions someday.   :)

Defiled

"O' conscience let me be....to the pure, all things are pure.

To those who defiled unbelieving: nothing is pure. Their minds, their conscience defiled."

-Jennifer Knapp "Trinity"

How true this is.  My heart wrestles with this on a daily basis as I try to remember what lenses those around me are looking through.  Seeing things purely is not always a blessing....it would be so much easier to just see the surface and skim past in my day to day.  The defiled do not see the truth, a seeming blessing, but instead they see a skewed world, one with gaping holes where only God can fill in the missing scenes.

Brains....

So many days I just want to turn off my brain, to shut off the constant rolling over of scenarios, conversations, potential ideas and past mistakes.  I wish my brain wasn't so analytical and set on looking at every aspect of my life and those around me from every possible point of view.  It is exhausting.  I'm told that it shouldn't matter, I shouldn't care so much, that I go above and beyond.  Does anyone realize it isn't even so much of a choice of what I want to do, rather it is something I have to do to be able to live with myself?

Living with ADD has been described as living with hundreds of TVs all turned on to different channels in your head at once.  I don't have ADD, but there are days when I think I can understand what it feels like, when I have not only my own struggles to deal with and how I will accomplish MY to-do list, but then someone else's life derails and I'm sent into recovery mode.  Pick up their pieces, dust them off, pass them tissues, let them melt down and then begin the reassembly process.  My to do list tends to fall by the wayside, my apartment usually looks like a bomb went off because it's always the bottom of the priority list.

Yes, I suppose there are upsides, of being so in tune with people.  It makes it easier to read them and figure out if I'm on the right track, but it would be nice to have the option of when it happens or not.  There are just some days when I'm too tired (or think I am) to deal with anyone but myself, but the brain doesn't take days off.  I can't even send it on vacation!

I guess I'll just continue on, leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.

The Unknown

I can only imagine, it must seem that all I do is spend my days reading Oswald Chambers!  LOL Honestly, I don't, but when I do read his work I am always struck by the depth and truth in his point of view.  His explorations and teachings have greatly impacted my life.

I'm hanging by a thread, I don't know what the next move in my life is.  All I know is that when I let go, it will be a free fall to God knows where.  I don't like not being able to see around the corner, to see what's coming next.  I don't like it at all, not one teensy bit.  I should be excited for what may be coming, because in the long run, it can only be good for me, that much was promised a long time ago.

From My Utmost for His Highest: 

Naturally, we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing... Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life; gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life.  To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth.  This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should rather be an expression of breathless expectation. 

Life Lessons from Calvin & Hobbes

I think it's safe to say I tend to have a Calvinesque approach to the idea of romantic relationships......

Restless.....

Spring has made me restless for all of my years since high school.  Maybe it happened before then, too, but I don't remember.  It is a feeling that makes me want to drive for days, be away from people forever, sit on a mountain top listening to the birds and admiring the handiwork of my creator, spend the afternoon on the bank of a secluded stream trying to coax a Brookie out to snack on my bait, or sometimes it is even enough to just drive really fast.  Something in my head makes me more introverted than usual, more easily tired by other people's troubles, and more prone to just giggling and being silly to try to cope with all of what is running through my brain.

I don't know what causes this.  It could be the long winter's cooped-up-ness that is finally melting into freedom, but I don't think that is all.  Autumn brings this on as well, but not as noticeably, nor as strong.  It could be that I am so emotionally and spiritually "spent" by the end of the winter that I am parched, dry and thirsty for change; change that I know can only come from a change within, but sometimes needs a boost from an external change as well.

It is encompassed by a desire to run, to write, to get "out" of myself.  This desire to leave my shell, my failure and start fresh.  However, I realize this would be futile.  For to truly be starting "fresh" I would have to lay aside all of the lessons I've learned through life, both from failure and success.  This would leave me prone to making even MORE mistakes, screw ups, and tragedies.  This is not the change I want.  I need to retain the lessons, but shed the human skin to reclothe myself in the righteousness of God.

Yup, I fail miserably.  If the only person sewing these garments were myself I would be dressed in ragged, poor quality, strings everywhere and shabby.  Thankfully, there is a master designer who clothes me in more beautiful things than I can imagine.  I still struggle to wrap my head around why, or how he could possibly love me that much, but my heart knows.

I guess if I'm honest with myself, it is my head that is restless; my heart knows right where it belongs.