Continuing Lessons

Eucharisteo #2: I have eyes that can drink up creamsicle sunsets

Eucharisteo #3: I have skis and adequate winter gear to enjoy the many many months of snow and cold

Eucharisteo #4: Someone invented Gouda cheese AND thought to put it into quiche

Eucharisteo #5: I'm no longer lactose intolerant

Learning Thankfulness

Eucharisteo, that's Greek for what is essentially "he gave thanks," is something I've been learning.  In general, I consider myself a pretty positive person, it takes a lot to get me down and I can find something to smile about it most situations.  However, sometimes, there is a nagging under the surface that I'm not quite "nailing" this whole LIFE thing.  My church attendance has been hindered by sick kids and physical exhaustion in recent weeks.  I've made a point to take time to read, watch, and listen to teachers during this time and everything keeps coming back to prayer and how I pray.  Top that off with thankfulness as a part of prayer and you now should be starting to at least see if not feel the gavel hitting my head...over...and over...and over again.  DOH!!  I've been screwing this up!

I'm in the middle of reading One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are, which was loaned to me by a dear friend.  As soon as I started reading, I was struck by the authors intentionality.  Am I living my life with that type intention or am I letting things that frustrate and hurt me follow me around or just sit in the corner staring, poking, settling in?  After continuing my read and identifying areas that I not only need to improve, but must make more intentional, I want to start making a point to write out the things I'm thankful for.

Anyone who knows me at all knows that if something comes up in passing and I don't write it down I sometimes don't remember (okay often!).  However, if a slow down, tuck it away for rumination or if I do write it down, then it is stuck with me forever. An example: Elephants eat a lot, not because of their size, but because they have highly inefficient digestive systems that don't extract all of the nutrients from their food sources.  I don't remember where or when I learned this.  My sister frequently gives me the "you're a freak" look when I jump into the conversation with something that just pops back into my mind (in my defense it's usually a little more relevant to the conversation than elephant digestive systems).  However, I want to be able to remember why I know these things to be true.  I need to be able to back things up.  I need to know that I know why I know how I know for what I know, not just that I know.

The second part of this Eucharisteo is not just for me.  I work with a population and in an environment that is much more stressed and under more pressure than most.  They're some of the brightest people I'll ever meet, but I see then struggle daily with the demands they feel they must meet or they will lose their value.  I want to share my thankfulness in everyday life with them, that it may be a door opener for conversations and a bit of thought for them to take and chew on themselves.  I'll be posting my Eucharisteo moments here, but also on my apartment door for them to share.  Thankfulness is not something that can be contained or hoarded, that's why we gather to be thankful.  So many of the moments of eucharisteo in the Bible were moments of gathering to share food, thoughts, moments.  

Sharing is a vital part, but cannot be achieved when one is dry from spiritual exhaustion.  It takes a continual effort of making a point to seek Him out daily to keep myself focused, filled, and up for the task He's seen fit to give me.  It's the joy in knowing that right now, this "mission field" he's given me is just exactly where I'm supposed to be that lets me go to bed weary, but not wake up dreading the day coming.  For that, I am so very, very thankful.  By God's grace I am alive, I am his child, I have been chosen to reflect his love.  I fail at this, but his grace prevails, he still has and continues to shower me with grace to allow me to be thankful and find joy in life. 

Eucharisteo #1: a job that not only provides a paycheck, but that I can wake up excited for the day ahead. 

On Single-Dom

Okay, so I started to write this post last December and got a little sidetracked in life....regardless, it still has a great article :)

After reading Singled Out: How Churches Can Embrace Unmarried Adults, I thought back to a lot of the interactions and experiences I'd had over the years.  Regardless of the frustrations I've felt, my faith itself has never wavered due to something directly related to this topic, it's just kind of something that is perpetually irksome.

 It's extremely easy to feel very lost, left out, and irrelevant as a single person in church.  I don't intend to point fingers at a particular one as I have frequented many in my adult (scary word) life.  Involving singles is something they can all work on.  I don't by ANY way shape or form mean that they should be offering matchmaking or dating services (not even close!), but it's pretty easy to feel overlooked or incomplete in a church setting.  Conversations frequently start with children, how many, and ages which inevitably leads to "my" children which I must have???  Nope.  Husband? Nope.  Boy---- Nope....at this point people are sometimes left standing awkwardly wondering what to say next.

Secondly, many people mistakenly assume that all Christian singles at church are "shopping" for eligible singles.  Not so.  Honestly, I'd love the opportunity to just fellowship with other people who share the similarity of singleness.  Single life is very different than married life.  While I greatly appreciate the opportunity to fellowship with the women in my ladies bible study across different stages in life and with families in my church, there is a something totally different about fellowshipping, encouraging, and enjoying the company of other single believers.

We want to be involved.  We want to feel needed.  These are human wants in any community.  Shouldn't they be met in a place where people are modeling their lives after the only perfect man's teachings?

The Persevering Stage

A wise and gracious friend of mine encouraged me today.  As I lamented and vented about my job/living situation she kindly reminded me this is a "Persevering Stage" of my faith.  I am to continue trusting that God has a map/plan and it may not match my mapped out plan but it is where I need to be.  Another part of this is to embrace moving into the "question mark" section of the plan even when I don't know where I'm going, what I'm doing or where I'm living.  Sounds like so much fun.  Not.  Actually, my response to her was this was not the persevering stage, this was the curl up in a ball and cry stage.  She laughed.  I was serious.  However, I was not correct.  This IS the stage where I just have to continue trusting that God can work miracles in future employers, he does have a plan for my job, my life, my everything.  If I'm continuously allowing myself to see the situation as hopeless, I'm making my God insufficient.  I'm squeezing Him into a box of incapability and weakness which in turn leaves me incapable and weak because all that I am comes from Him.  A vicious cycle. 

Also shared by another friend tonight:

Colossians 4:2, 5&6

Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving.  Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward nonbelievers making the most of every opportunity.  Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. 

I never cease to be amazed by His timing. 

Always Wondering...

...Am I doing it right?  Interceding and lifting those up who are around me is a constant, but it is so easy to fall back and say, "This is such a difficult time for them, I'll just pray it away."  It is easy to forget the prunings, the firings, the testings of life are what God uses to mold us into who he'd have us be or to draw us unto himself.   This devo on May 3rd kind of drove that home for me and has been running through the back of my mind ever since.  Am I interceding because I truly want them have connection with God or is it because my sympathies and emotions are aroused and I want everything to smooth out and go easier for them?  These are tough questions for me.

Vital Intercession - Oswald Chambers 

“…praying always with prayer and supplication in the Spirit…”  Ephesians 6:18

As we continue on in our intercession for others, we may find that our obedience to God in interceding is going to cost those for whom we intercede more than we ever thought.  The danger in this is that we begin to intercede in sympathy with those whom God was gradually lifting up to a totally different level in close identification with God’s interest and concern for others and step into having emotional sympathy with them, the vital connection with God is gone.  We have then put our sympathy and concern for them in the way.  And this is a deliberate rebuke to God.

It is impossible for us to have living and vital intercession unless we are perfectly and completely sure of God.  And the greatest destroyer of that confident relationship to God, so necessary for intercession, is our own personal sympathy and preconceived bias.  Identification with God is the key to intercession and whenever we stop being identified with Him it is not likely that sin will interfere with our intercessory relationship with Goy, but sympathy will.  It is sympathy with ourselves or with others that makes us say, “I will not allow that thing to happen.”  And instantly we are out of that vital connection with God.

Vital intercession leaves you with neither the time nor the inclination to pray for your own “sad and pitiful self.” You do not have to struggle to keep thoughts of yourself out, because they are not even there to be kept out of your thinking.  You are completely and entirely identified with God’s interests and concerns in others lives.  God gives us discernment in the lives of others to call us to intercession for them, never so that we may find fault with them.  

O Repetition

Patience.  This is DEFINITELY not a virtue I ever asked for, nor is it one that I have a great handle on.

I am so easily frustrated by having to repeat myself when I'm talking to people.  I get frustrated if they aren't paying attention because they're distracted by their phone with all their other friends, if they just tune me out because they have better things to do, or if they just don't think what I'm saying applies to them so they just check out only to realize later, "O, maybe that was relevant, would you mind repeating that?"

I get so tired of regurgitating the same information, no it hasn't changed since the last time we talked about this; the laws of humanity still apply.  I am just one person with a limited interaction with a small percentage of the world's population.  This tiny slice of humanity has the power to irritate me to the point of major frustration when I feel my time is wasted and not valued.  How much more heavily must this weigh on my Father God when everyone of us (all 7 billion of us!) needs repeated reminders, lessons, and major sit downs????  Huh.  Kinda puts it into perspective.

Don't get me wrong, I love the people in my life, and I CERTAINLY don't have life any more together than the the next person!  Most of the time, I'm not irritated, I don't have to fight for my voice to be heard (thank you women's rights movements!!), and I surely never doubt that as long as I'm attempting to move toward Him, God will ever lose patience repeating Himself to make sure I finally get what He's been trying to teach me for years.

Summer Rains and Nights

The Walk:

As I walked out my back door last night to go to work I was overcome by the smell of wet grass and asphalt, smoothly blended with the heavy, amplified aroma of flower blooms.  It's funny how a cold, cloudy day can be changed so quickly by just 15 minutes of rain.  It was the smell of summer.

The Drive:

My mind was still preoccupied with processing the smells from a few minutes prior but I couldn't help but observe with awe the deep pigments and fading light of an almost spent sunset.  Wow.  It was so beautiful.  Who am I to deserve to witness and partake of this beauty? Everyday?

The After:

Pulling back into my parking lot the moon, or rather the obvious lack thereof of a definite "moon" caught my attention.  Sometimes the nature of something shines through even though the face of it is hidden. Like the moon behind a cloud, the bright streams of light break through the patches of open sky giving one glimpses of the bright hope that is beyond and even though you can't see the face of the moon, you know it is there by the beautiful reflected light.

Isn't that what my life is supposed to look like? Like the moon, seeing ME is unnecessary.  My purpose is to reflect the light of my Father's Grace, Mercy, Love, and Hope to the dark world.  That light much more observable if the moon's face isn't distractingly drawing attention to itself.  

Defiled

"O' conscience let me be....to the pure, all things are pure.

To those who defiled unbelieving: nothing is pure. Their minds, their conscience defiled."

-Jennifer Knapp "Trinity"

How true this is.  My heart wrestles with this on a daily basis as I try to remember what lenses those around me are looking through.  Seeing things purely is not always a blessing....it would be so much easier to just see the surface and skim past in my day to day.  The defiled do not see the truth, a seeming blessing, but instead they see a skewed world, one with gaping holes where only God can fill in the missing scenes.

Brains....

So many days I just want to turn off my brain, to shut off the constant rolling over of scenarios, conversations, potential ideas and past mistakes.  I wish my brain wasn't so analytical and set on looking at every aspect of my life and those around me from every possible point of view.  It is exhausting.  I'm told that it shouldn't matter, I shouldn't care so much, that I go above and beyond.  Does anyone realize it isn't even so much of a choice of what I want to do, rather it is something I have to do to be able to live with myself?

Living with ADD has been described as living with hundreds of TVs all turned on to different channels in your head at once.  I don't have ADD, but there are days when I think I can understand what it feels like, when I have not only my own struggles to deal with and how I will accomplish MY to-do list, but then someone else's life derails and I'm sent into recovery mode.  Pick up their pieces, dust them off, pass them tissues, let them melt down and then begin the reassembly process.  My to do list tends to fall by the wayside, my apartment usually looks like a bomb went off because it's always the bottom of the priority list.

Yes, I suppose there are upsides, of being so in tune with people.  It makes it easier to read them and figure out if I'm on the right track, but it would be nice to have the option of when it happens or not.  There are just some days when I'm too tired (or think I am) to deal with anyone but myself, but the brain doesn't take days off.  I can't even send it on vacation!

I guess I'll just continue on, leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.

Thank You, Oswald

I love reminders.  Not the nagging kind; I like the Post-It note style reminders, the ones that jog a knowledge or stirring of something you intended to act upon but yet again failed to execute.  I am continually humbled by the realization that I am a ridiculously slow learner and that I have an immeasurably patient God.  For that, I am am thankful.

January 18th's "My Utmost for His Highest" lesson, Taught by God and Shared by Oswald Chambers


"Test of Faithfulness"


"We know that all things work together for good to those who love God." -Romans 8:28


"It is only a faithful person who truly believes that God sovereignly controls his circumstances.  We take our circumstances for granted, saying God is in control, but not really believing it.  We act as if the things that happen were completely controlled by people.  To be faithful in every circumstance means that we have only one loyalty, or object of our faith--the Lord Jesus Christ.  God may cause our circumstances to suddenly fall apart, which may bring the realization of our unfaithfulness to Him for not recognizing that He had ordained the situation.  We never saw what He was trying to accomplish, and that exact event will never be repeated in our life.  This is where the test of our faithfulness comes.  If we will just learn to worship God even during the difficult circumstances, He will change them for the better very quickly if He so chooses. 


Being faithful to Jesus Christ is the most difficult thing we try to do today.  We will be faithful to our work, to serving others or to anything else; just don't ask us to be faithful to Jesus Christ.  Many Christians become very impatient when we talk about faithfulness to Jesus.  Our Lord is dethroned more deliberately by Christian workers than by the world.  We treat God as if He were a machine designed only to bless us, and we think of Jesus as just another one of the workers. 


The goal of faithfulness is not that we will do work for God, but that he will be free to do His work through us.  God calls us to His service and places tremendous responsibilities on us.  He expects no complaining on our part and offers no explanation on His part.  God wants to use us as He used His own Son."


This was my devo time last night before I went to bed, what a way to end the day.  It followed perfectly with all that we were learning/discussing in our small group.  Everything hinges on our faith.  We just have faith and be faithful to Christ in order for EVERYTHING else to work.  Yet, that faithfulness is SOOOO difficult sometimes.  I can MEASURE how faithful I being to my work by the physical, visible things I see around me.  I can MEASURE how faithful I am to serving others by their response and the fuzzy feeling on the inside.  How do you measure a faithfulness to Jesus?  Sure there are fruits, and knowledge is gained and I can "see" the spiritual things he is doing sometimes, but so much of the time that faith is wholly in the unseen.  Sigh.   Still learning faithfulness.  Yes, I still need lots of sticky-note reminders and so much patience.   I want this faithfulness that Oswald is talking about.  It may be years of growth ahead....but the seed must be planted somewhere.   

Ready to Explode!!!

O, the JOY in my veins.....I can taste it!!!   It has been a roller-coaster two weeks and it seems incomprehensible that so much could happen in such a short time.

Now let's see.....to recap:
I spent all of LAST week (literally 4th to the 11th) sick with a miserable gastric bug.  I've never had anything like that in my LIFE!!  I lost 10+lbs that week alone and could eat literally nothing.  :(   I couldn't miss class because I have a fantastic teacher who decided to have 4 finals in his class instead of one.  WooHoo!!  The whole ordeal left me weak enough that I couldn't walk and talk at the same time because it winded me. :(  Thankfully that is now behind me and I feel great! :)  Thank you to allllll my great friends who took care of me and were patient with me in that time frame!

Our small group fellowship has had some increased interest and we are growing!  YAY!!  Slowly, yes, but growth none the less!  I've been so blessed!  It makes me wicked excited to see what is to come in the following semester!  God is just showing up and filling my life!  Honestly, there are no words to describe it!

I don't know if I had mentioned in an earlier post or not but I had really been hoping to be able to attend PASSION 2010 this January (1st through 4th) but my finances have taken a beating the past 6 months and there was no physical way I could afford the $600 it would take for travel, lodging, ticket and food.  I finally came to peace with that and just decided to try again next year.   On the 4th one of the students came running into my apartment (it is usually like Grand Central Station in here!  haha)  with news that one of the colleges I'm attending was offering the whole thing to students for $150 because their Student Senate was covering a big chunk of the cost!  I my word!!!!!!   I almost cried!  How incredible is that!?!?!?!?!?!?    I am now registered and will be attending PASSION 2011!!!!!   AHHHHHHHHHHHH!  

I cannot explain to you what it is like to know that I'm going!!   Honestly it is just mind blowing!!   God is just incredible!   I don't know how I can possibly forget that so easily, but I do.  Last year's conference was such an incredible blessing and helped my spiritual growth by leaps and bounds.  I've been riding that wave of excitement now for about 3 days since I found out I really was going.   I wish I could take every 18-25 year old I know but most of them, like me, are broke and can't afford to go.

One of my best friends arrives tonight!   I haven't seen him since June and hadn't expected to see him for up to 5 years, but he was able to get a quick leave and came to visit some friends and family before he is gone for a while!  I'm sooo excited!

I am so blessed, it blows my mind.

Why me?

I don't know.

Seemingly Contradictory Complexities

How can life be so complex, simple, contradictory, and full of joy all at the same time?  I don’t understand.  It makes my head spin.  

This was one of the most relaxing yet at the same time one of the most stressful weekends in a long time.   I loved having time to myself but wow, what a way to get there!

This prescribed “altered diet” is difficult.  I had not realized how addicted to coffee I had become, not in the daily quota sort of way but more in a when I’m wiped out and need a boost sort of way.  Not being able to access that extra little boost when I need it is hard.  Couple that with no chocolate, trying to avoid fatty foods, and a dairy allergy it is nearly impossible in a college cafeteria.  I feel like I am constantly craving something I can’t identify even if I’m not hungry.  This doesn’t make sense in my head at all.  On a much happier note, so far on day 4 of the new meds for my acid reflux I have had no headaches :)  YAY

Continuing in the contradictory theme…haha   How is it possible to be surrounded by so many people and yet feel so utterly alone at times?  Again, I don’t know.  Maybe it is my introvert-ness and the fact there are so few people that I can spend large chunks of time with without getting tired?  Not that this is making me unfruitful; I have definitely grown and am growing in my quiet times. 

Micah 6:8 has been my heart’s prayer for the past 9 months.  I know it is not attainable on my own as Elizabeth, but only by God through me.  I fail daily.  Hourly.  By the minute and second.  As much as I hate to cast judgment and want to be able to just love those around me, I can’t do it.  Flesh creeps in and sticks its meddling fingers into all of my well-laid plans, continually making a mess of things.  Paul’s Romans 7:15 For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.  Sigh.  It is so simple to just “Follow Jesus” but so my flesh makes it so complicated in execution!

Thank God for mercy and grace.  And I pray that those are planted in my life so firmly that I can in turn sow seeds of mercy in grace in the lives of people I am in contact with.  

Yes, this post is somewhat scattered.  Oh well. 

Story of My Life....No Seriously!

I never cease to be amazed at the ridiculous events that are so normal in my life!!!  It never fails that just when I think, “Oh, this week/day/situation couldn’t possibly get any worse” or “Surely nothing crazier than this can occur” I am repeatedly proven wrong.  God definitely has a sense of humor and understands me so perfectly to know that my independent self needs constant reminding how much I need to depend on him!

This week has been a prime example of such.  I had 2 exams and a large assignment due this week.  I was on duty on Fri/Sat/Sun and again on Wed/Thurs.   I had to work in the Academic Success Center on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday evenings as well.  Thursday night was also the movie night Res Life does and I’m in charge of.  Add into this recipe trying to tie together loose ends for the Res Life sponsored Mt. Katahdin trip, a flying trip to Bangor on Wednesday morning (Yes, 3 hours each way), and some fantastic headaches and a migraine from a medication I’m on and you have a pretty good picture of my week.  Oh, and my mom called on Thursday morning to say she had been the middle car in a 3 car accident and my car was totaled.  She was fine, thankfully!!!!!

I have been very much looking forward to the Katahdin Trip but there have been hurdles along every part of the planning.  I had one lovely lady threaten to sue me last week over a VERY minor miscommunication.  We were unable to reserve a parking spot in Baxter because the van info didn’t get through in time so that was just an extra something to think about. Yesterday morning the cafeteria informed me that our food would be ready to pick up at 3pm but they wouldn’t have a cooler because of another commitment this weekend.  No big deal, I’ll just borrow somebody else’s.  Well, the one trip into town to get 2 items ended up taking THREE trips when all was said and done and I was running drastically behind.  I packed literally in 10 minutes and ran over to the cafeteria to pick up the groceries/food.  Oh, sorry, nobody really knows what is going on and they didn’t have enough food ready….o brother.  THEN we finally get loaded and in the van and between Presque Isle and Houlton the van is running absolutely dreadful.  I could barely feel my arms it was vibrating so hard.  In between Bridgewater and Mapleton it started pulling hard to the right whenever the brake was used and when I let off the brake it pulled sharply to the left.  Fantastic.  Not to mention it was not shifting right……  We stopped at the Big Stop and the moment I got out I could smell the brakes.  Lovely.  Thankfully our housing director hadn’t made it out of Presque Isle on his way to Wilton yet and he was able to turn around, go back to school, find a driver and bring us another van.  Those of us stuck in Houlton hung out at Tim Horton’s for 2 hours.  LOL!  Honestly, it could have been so awful, but everyone was just laughing about the ridiculousness of the situation….I mean what are the chances that THAT MANY THINGS go wrong all at once?  There was really nothing to do but eat a donut, sandwich and drink coffee….lol  Finally our van arrived and we were on our way in the torrential downpour headed to Millinocket.  What a night.  It gets better.  Haha!  We get there, settle in, I lose the van key and we need it for the morning.  It took an hour to find it…….it somehow ended up under the toaster?   I woke everyone up at 4 this morning and shortly after they left for the Mountain I went back to sleep…..only to awaken in a dead sweat from a nightmare—that they had gotten to the mountain but there were no parking spots left and they had to come back.  O MY WORD!!!!!

Despite the rocky week preceding today, I am loving the time to myself on this beautiful pond. I won’t lie and say I wasn’t stressed this week.  I was wicked stressed out, but hey, it all falls together eventually!  God doesn’t operate on our time or necessarily with our sense of humor…..but He’s always working in the background, bringing everything together.

I'm dense.

I swear I am one of the most spiritually dense people ever.  I am such a slow learner.  I am so thankful for God's patience with me, that he would repeat lessons with me continually to bring me closer to himself.  Yet, I am so far from the destination.  Sigh.  One step at a time....in all directions. 



My Utmost for His Highest
September 24
Oswald Chambers


The "Go" of Preparation


"If you bring your gift to the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift."  Matthew 5:23-24


It is easy for us to imagine that we will suddenly come to a point in our lives where we are fully prepared, but preparation is not suddenly accomplished. In fact, it is a process that must be steadily maintained.  It is dangerous to become settled and life requires preparation and more preparation.  


The sense of sacrifice in the Christian life is readily appealing to a new Christian.  From a human standpoint, the one thing that attracts us to Jesus Christ is our sense of the heroic, and a close examination of us by our Lord's words suddenly puts this tide of enthusiasm to the test.  "...go your way.  First be reconciled to your brother...."  The "go" of preparation is to allow the Word of God to examine you closely..  Your sense of heroic sacrifice is not good enough.  The thing the Holy Spirit will detect in you is your nature that can never work in His service.  And no one but God can detect that nature in you.  Do you have anything to hid from God?  If you do, then let God search you with His light.  If there is sin in your life, don't just admit it--confess it.  Are you willing to obey your Lord and Master, whatever the humiliation to your right to yourself may be?


AND NOW FOR THE PART THAT HIT ME BETWEEN THE EYES........


Never disregard a conviction that the Holy Spirit brings to you.  If it is important enough for the Spirit of God to bring it to your mind, it is the very thing He is detecting n you.  You were looking for some big thing to give up, while God is telling you of some of tiny thing that must go.  But behind that tiny thing lies the stronghold of obstinacy, and you say, "I will not give up my right to myself" --the very thing that God intends you to give up if you are to be a disciple of Jesus Christ.  

So, um, yeah.  I'm dense.  I'm obstinate.  I am a vault of secrets and insecurities, carefully guarded with top notch security controlled by literally God only knows what.  Why the heck would he ever want me?   ....I'm about as vulnerable and soft as a stinking rock.  Sigh.  I don't think I'll ever know.  I'm glad he does, and I'm trying allow him in to open the vault.  .....And honestly, I'm petrified of what is inside.
  

Recap

Stress. 

Somehow, through some odd twist of psychology, stress is both a good and a bad thing.  I guess it really isn’t that odd as everyone is always saying, “Everything in moderation.”  But what is the moderation allowed for stress before it becomes bad?  I am forever trying to balance this.  I get odd looks when I tell someone that because of my procrastination and perfectionism tendencies, I need a “therapeutic level of stress” in my life in order to help me achieve my goals. 

However, judging by the physical manifestations this week….I’d say the stress is headed toward the dark side.  Multiple canker sores?  Check.  Cracked lips?  Check.  Breakout on face?  Check.  Fatigued?  Check.  Racing thoughts?  Check.  Headache?  Check. 

There is a lot on my mind right now and I’m trying to sort through it and to give it up to the Lord. 

ResLife has had a good but psychosocially busy year so far.  It has required a lot of heart and patience.   I am so thankful that God has provided that to me as I’ve needed it.  Discernment to make good judgment calls—thank goodness for that. 

Tomorrow night is the first of our Small Group meetings……I think it will be a small group :).  I’m looking forward to it, but am hugely intimidated.  All prayers are VERY much appreciated.  

I Don't Understand

How can life be soooo exhausting sometimes?  I don't get it.  This past week and especially today has been quite rough.  While I was digging through a card box yesterday I found a quote that was quite fitting: "If adversity builds character, yours has been getting quite a workout lately".  I can only pray that I will learn and become stronger in Christ.  The fight to remain sensitive to Him and not to snap back at the people and circumstances of the day is a constant struggle for me.  I need help from Him.

New Year, New Semester, New Snow

I'm not a big believer in "new year's resolutions", but i decided to make a few "goals" for myself this year. They are in no particular order:

1. Cut all dairy from my diet (I'm allergic and it is making me sick--don't worry I'm taking Calcium!)
2. Blog more frequently.....boy that one is going well!
3. Complete at least 75% of my nursing reading by the day before the class
4. Learn how to play racquetball....but I need a racquet :)
5. Keep my room mostly picked up and clean ALL the time
6. Refresh my Spanish

Not too long or overly exciting but something a little different not the less.

This semester is in full swing. Last week was miserably stressful, I had return demos for injections, clinical site orientation, I almost got in a car accident (gotta love 180s), and I had a Nursing Exam. UGH. Everything turned out okay and I actually did pretty well on my exam :)

I came back this semester expecting to have no hall-mates as my last one moved out at the end of last semester. I was pleasantly surprised to find 3 new women in Heather's place! I like them all and we get along well! Estela is from Portland, it took me quite a while to figure out the reason I couldn't understand her was because she has only lived here for 5 years and before that lived in Egypt and Sudan. She's a hoot and went home with me this weekend. Ashlei is from Jonesport. She's a nursing student, too, and has a thick downeast accent :) Candi is my mom's age and is from Oklahoma. She's pretty overwhelmed with all the studying but is determined! I have to help her every now and then with her computer and DVD player....it is just like being at home! haha

God's been pretty cool thus far. I was really not wanting to live on campus this semester but God didn't give me any peace about moving off. I stayed and God has given me so many opportunities! Last weekend I decided to do an impromptu game night with a few friends, i think there were 5 of us total. We had a blast and a couple of them have approached me about doing it again soon, maybe this weekend! :):):) Sooooo excited! :)

Well, I still have a lot of reading to do. I get to dissect a sheep eye this afternoon in anatomy, woohoo! My lab partner is grossed out and is bringing a mask. heehee

hugs, e.

Always

So ever since I stumbled upon this song a couple weeks ago it has been running through my mind almost continuously. Such a powerful reminder of who God is and that he truly is for ALWAYS.

Always - Building 429
I was standing in the pouring rain one dark November night
Fighting off the bitter cold when she caught my eye
Her face was taught and her eyes were filled, and to my surprise
She pulled out a photograph and my heart just stopped inside
She said, “He would’ve been three today I miss his smile, I miss his face”
What was I supposed to say,

but I believe always, always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone God knows our pain
and his promise remains
He will be with you always

He was living in a broken world, dreaming of a home
His heart was barely keeping pace when I found him all alone
Remembering the way he felt when his daddy said goodbye
Fighting just to keep the tears and the anger locked inside
He’s barely holding onto faith
But deliverance is on its way, cause I believe always, always Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone God knows our pain
and his promise remains
I believe always, always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone God knows our pain
and his promise remains
He will be with you always

Friend, I don’t know where you are
and I don’t know where you’ve been
Maybe you’re fighting for your life or just about to throw the towel in
But if you’re crying out for mercy, if there’s no hope left at all
If you’ve given everything you’ve got and you’re still about to fall
Well hold on, hold on, hold on
Cause I believe always, always Our Savior never fails
Even when all faith is gone
God knows our pain
and his promise remains
Always, always,
He will be with you always

Frosty Grass and Crunchy Leaves

BRRRRRR! It's getting COLD up here :) heehee. 23 outside this morning at 8...it dipped down to 19 last night :) Snow predicted for Wednesday! Ahhh, I love it! :)



I made it through my rough two weeks alive, and only slightly worse for wear. This week I have wicked exciting things to look forward to! Grover friends coming to my beloved Maine! :):):) I can hardly wait! I've been shaking with anticipation and marking off calendar days for a month! lol :):)

Classes are going well for the most part. I had a hard time prepping for my last exam and I have a hard time understanding my clinical instructor...or rather getting the information I need from her. But after a long talk with my advisor and the head of the nursing department I have a plan. :)

OH! Happy news! I have honestly been praying for some Christian fellowship outside of church service. I was getting discouraged. Then--WOOHOO! :) Soooo, Saturday afternoon I was standing on my head in the trunk of my car to change my brake light (my trunk is really deep so I have to bend over and all you can see is my legs and butt...lol) when my RD walked up beside me and said he'd seen me at the Wesleyan church.....and I was dumbfounded. lol! Anyways! We talked for a long time and he's a strong Christian! He invited me to go out with them after the service that night (The Wesleyan church has a Saturday night service....that is the one I like best and usually go to) I was SOOOOOOOO excited! So I went! And I met so many awesome people.....we stayed at church from 6-8....visiting and fellowshipping and it was GREAT! After that we went to the Governor's and just had a blast getting talk some more. So cool. AND then, at 10pm...lol we went to Tim Horton's and talked some more! Adam (my RD) said in the 6 or 7 years since he's been an RD here there has been only ONE other Christian each year....and he was excited because he is pretty sure there are 4 or 5 of us this year! :):):) We talked and decided to try and start a bible study one night a week for an hour and a half each time! I'm wicked excited!!!!!! SO COOL! So....by the time that I got back to my dorm room from all of this it was midnight....lol

I got to go to an art show opening last night with Uncle Jme.....wicked cool! I love going to those kind of things....just a whole different atmosphere! I love taking in other people's feelings and interpretations of life around them. Just really nice to be around art heads for a bit :) that is one thing that i miss being here at NM, there isn't an art studio or anything like that here on campus...at least at GCC I could go poke my head in the art studio and refresh myself by looking at other people's stuff. :)

Well, time to get back to my studies! hugs, e.

Wowwee Zowwee!

I cannot believe how quickly time has passed! I've been quite awful at keeping this updated, I'm sorry!

Well, since my last post my Papa has passed away. It is very sad not having him here and Thanksgiving and Christmas were very weird without him. Not to mention all the times I have when something cool happens or reminds me of him and I want to call him and hear his voice, but then I remember he isn't here.

School last semester was hard because I missed quite a few days of studying and classes to visit with my Papa before he passed away and then for the funeral. This semester is going well so far, I like all of my classes and one of my professors who is retireing this spring reminds me of Papa... kinda weird.

It is miserably cold and blustery today and we couldn't even see the cars going by on the road from inside the front door of church today because of the white out (the church is only about 25-30ftMAX off the road!) There was a praise/worship service last night that Mt. Olive participated in, it was with a whole bunch of different denominations and we met at the Tower Church (Presbyterian). The church was ENORMOUS!!! I have never in my life been in a church that big. It was like sitting in a cavern. The coolest part though was being with all the people of different denominations just worshipping, so cool. Like Pastor Armstead said, "What if they don't play your song in heaven? Would you still want to go?" I think that really drives home that it isn't necessarily how we worship but that we worship the same God.

Friday night was the Extravaganza, the funnest dance of the year! :):):) A whole bunch of us went it is literally half of the student body smushed into one of the rec rooms with lots of music and lights and it is just a hoot with lots of free food....the whole thing is free! :)

Indoor Intermural soccer starts this week....we are doing a team and it should be a blast...we aren't very good but it is still wicked fun! :) O! O! O! I've been practicing shooting basketball left handed and it is getting really good! :) I can't wait for IM basketball!

On a closing note, I dyed part of my hair last week...a really fun purplish pink color. it is on the underside so you can't see it unless I have my hair up. (so it can still be normal if I need it to be! :))

Have a great week! E.