Slowing Down

I miss blogging.  I've allowed myself to get so caught up in the day to day to do lists and never ending cycles of just one more or I have time for that that I've neglected to keep my outlet for things that make me think or laugh or wonder.  

Don't get me wrong, I love my job, even though it is 24 hours a day most days of the week.  I've been praying to not allow myself to lose sight of the important parts in the heaps of papers, boxes of files, never ending emails, and exploding binders of disciplinary incidents.  It's easy for me to tune out the chaos and "mhm" my way through a conversation when I'm working against a deadline or prepping for yet another meeting, but those conversations are the reason I do this job.  

Just because a particular student might drive me crazy every time they flop into the armchair across from my desk doesn't make their problems and concerns for the day any less important or any less deserving of my attention.   

One of the most frequent reminders I have for them is to ask them what went WELL/GOOD during their day.  They often have a hard time identifying something.   Their days are filled with relationship drama of their own, the over flowing toilets, bad cafeteria food, and forgetting to study for tests so they get bad grades.  Sometimes it's hard to see the happy points.  I love asking them about their days, their faces get that thinking look and then their eyes light up, "I got an A on my math test!  It was the first A I've EVER had in math!" or "Oh!  Have you seen the Lifting Competition flyers?  They have a picture of ME in the background doing the deadlift!  How cool is that?!  I want to put them up everywhere!" or "I found my key!" or "Look! I'm wearing heels!  They make me have a butt!"

These might seem like weird things to get excited about, but if I'm having these conversations with them, they also tell me when stuff is not so good and when they need help.  It is usually the students who I don't talk with who are the ones who drop out or fail out.  Talking with them and genuinely listening helps me relay that I CARE about them, I WANT to know what is going on and that I LIKE them.   

When I let the other parts of my job take precedent over that part, I'm failing us all. 

Another Lesson from Oswald

Lessons from My Utmost for His Highest last night....

Huh.  Further proof that this stressing till my hair falls out probably isn't healthy :)  Life, jobs, friendships/relationships, why do I stress myself to max?  By worrying about it, I'm usually letting myself make rash decisions to "get myself out ASAP" and avoid any and all uncomfortable places.  I'm not a fan of the process.  I want results now and I want it to be comfortable the whole way.  Unrealistic? Of course, however, I'm an idealist, not a realist, this will always be a hard point. Idealist?  I tell myself I'm not a worrier, I'm an analyzer.  There's a very fine line between analyzing and worrying and lately I'm finding myself on the wrong side. I'm overanalyzing every little possibility of failure and finding so many possibilities to crash and burn it is inhibiting the ability to trust that it WILL be okay because not only do I not control the universe and I don't have to!  By allowing myself to fret, worry and bury myself in endless possibilities of what-ifs, I jump to decisions and make choices that I may easily regret later.  Does that mean God says, "O shoot, you screwed yourself over, that was OBVIOUSLY not the direction I had planned for you, stinks to be you, see ya later!?"  Nope. However, the promise to never leave me or forsake me is also not a guarantee that no matter what I do it will all be smooth sailing.  There are consequences for everything, for every decision I make, either good or bad, but through it all He's there pushing me on toward the prize, the end, His glory.  

"One of God's Great Don'ts"

Do not fret— it only causes harm —Psalm 37:8

Fretting means getting ourselves “out of joint” mentally or spiritually. It is one thing to say, “Do not fret,” but something very different to have such a nature that you find yourself unable to fret. It’s easy to say, “Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him” (Psalm 37:7) until our own little world is turned upside down and we are forced to live in confusion and agony like so many other people. Is it possible to “rest in the Lord” then? If this “Do not” doesn’t work there, then it will not work anywhere. This “Do not” must work during our days of difficulty and uncertainty, as well as our peaceful days, or it will never work. And if it will not work in your particular case, it will not work for anyone else. Resting in the Lord is not dependent on your external circumstances at all, but on your relationship with God Himself.

Worrying always results in sin. We tend to think that a little anxiety and worry are simply an indication of how wise we really are, yet it is actually a much better indication of just how wicked we are. Fretting rises from our determination to have our own way. Our Lord never worried and was never anxious, because His purpose was never to accomplish His own plans but to fulfill God’s plans. Fretting is wickedness for a child of God.

Have you been propping up that foolish soul of yours with the idea that your circumstances are too much for God to handle? Set all your opinions and speculations aside and “abide under the shadow of the Almighty” (Psalm 91:1). Deliberately tell God that you will not fret about whatever concerns you. All our fretting and worrying is caused by planning without God.

O Repetition

Patience.  This is DEFINITELY not a virtue I ever asked for, nor is it one that I have a great handle on.

I am so easily frustrated by having to repeat myself when I'm talking to people.  I get frustrated if they aren't paying attention because they're distracted by their phone with all their other friends, if they just tune me out because they have better things to do, or if they just don't think what I'm saying applies to them so they just check out only to realize later, "O, maybe that was relevant, would you mind repeating that?"

I get so tired of regurgitating the same information, no it hasn't changed since the last time we talked about this; the laws of humanity still apply.  I am just one person with a limited interaction with a small percentage of the world's population.  This tiny slice of humanity has the power to irritate me to the point of major frustration when I feel my time is wasted and not valued.  How much more heavily must this weigh on my Father God when everyone of us (all 7 billion of us!) needs repeated reminders, lessons, and major sit downs????  Huh.  Kinda puts it into perspective.

Don't get me wrong, I love the people in my life, and I CERTAINLY don't have life any more together than the the next person!  Most of the time, I'm not irritated, I don't have to fight for my voice to be heard (thank you women's rights movements!!), and I surely never doubt that as long as I'm attempting to move toward Him, God will ever lose patience repeating Himself to make sure I finally get what He's been trying to teach me for years.