Thank You, Oswald

I love reminders.  Not the nagging kind; I like the Post-It note style reminders, the ones that jog a knowledge or stirring of something you intended to act upon but yet again failed to execute.  I am continually humbled by the realization that I am a ridiculously slow learner and that I have an immeasurably patient God.  For that, I am am thankful.

January 18th's "My Utmost for His Highest" lesson, Taught by God and Shared by Oswald Chambers


"Test of Faithfulness"


"We know that all things work together for good to those who love God." -Romans 8:28


"It is only a faithful person who truly believes that God sovereignly controls his circumstances.  We take our circumstances for granted, saying God is in control, but not really believing it.  We act as if the things that happen were completely controlled by people.  To be faithful in every circumstance means that we have only one loyalty, or object of our faith--the Lord Jesus Christ.  God may cause our circumstances to suddenly fall apart, which may bring the realization of our unfaithfulness to Him for not recognizing that He had ordained the situation.  We never saw what He was trying to accomplish, and that exact event will never be repeated in our life.  This is where the test of our faithfulness comes.  If we will just learn to worship God even during the difficult circumstances, He will change them for the better very quickly if He so chooses. 


Being faithful to Jesus Christ is the most difficult thing we try to do today.  We will be faithful to our work, to serving others or to anything else; just don't ask us to be faithful to Jesus Christ.  Many Christians become very impatient when we talk about faithfulness to Jesus.  Our Lord is dethroned more deliberately by Christian workers than by the world.  We treat God as if He were a machine designed only to bless us, and we think of Jesus as just another one of the workers. 


The goal of faithfulness is not that we will do work for God, but that he will be free to do His work through us.  God calls us to His service and places tremendous responsibilities on us.  He expects no complaining on our part and offers no explanation on His part.  God wants to use us as He used His own Son."


This was my devo time last night before I went to bed, what a way to end the day.  It followed perfectly with all that we were learning/discussing in our small group.  Everything hinges on our faith.  We just have faith and be faithful to Christ in order for EVERYTHING else to work.  Yet, that faithfulness is SOOOO difficult sometimes.  I can MEASURE how faithful I being to my work by the physical, visible things I see around me.  I can MEASURE how faithful I am to serving others by their response and the fuzzy feeling on the inside.  How do you measure a faithfulness to Jesus?  Sure there are fruits, and knowledge is gained and I can "see" the spiritual things he is doing sometimes, but so much of the time that faith is wholly in the unseen.  Sigh.   Still learning faithfulness.  Yes, I still need lots of sticky-note reminders and so much patience.   I want this faithfulness that Oswald is talking about.  It may be years of growth ahead....but the seed must be planted somewhere.   

A "Glimpse" of PASSION

This is the "Glimpse" video of PASSION 2010.   Enjoy and be blessed!

I do not own the rights to this video.  They belong to 268Generation the founder of Passion conferences.  I have intended no copyright infringement.  

Ready to Explode!!!

O, the JOY in my veins.....I can taste it!!!   It has been a roller-coaster two weeks and it seems incomprehensible that so much could happen in such a short time.

Now let's see.....to recap:
I spent all of LAST week (literally 4th to the 11th) sick with a miserable gastric bug.  I've never had anything like that in my LIFE!!  I lost 10+lbs that week alone and could eat literally nothing.  :(   I couldn't miss class because I have a fantastic teacher who decided to have 4 finals in his class instead of one.  WooHoo!!  The whole ordeal left me weak enough that I couldn't walk and talk at the same time because it winded me. :(  Thankfully that is now behind me and I feel great! :)  Thank you to allllll my great friends who took care of me and were patient with me in that time frame!

Our small group fellowship has had some increased interest and we are growing!  YAY!!  Slowly, yes, but growth none the less!  I've been so blessed!  It makes me wicked excited to see what is to come in the following semester!  God is just showing up and filling my life!  Honestly, there are no words to describe it!

I don't know if I had mentioned in an earlier post or not but I had really been hoping to be able to attend PASSION 2010 this January (1st through 4th) but my finances have taken a beating the past 6 months and there was no physical way I could afford the $600 it would take for travel, lodging, ticket and food.  I finally came to peace with that and just decided to try again next year.   On the 4th one of the students came running into my apartment (it is usually like Grand Central Station in here!  haha)  with news that one of the colleges I'm attending was offering the whole thing to students for $150 because their Student Senate was covering a big chunk of the cost!  I my word!!!!!!   I almost cried!  How incredible is that!?!?!?!?!?!?    I am now registered and will be attending PASSION 2011!!!!!   AHHHHHHHHHHHH!  

I cannot explain to you what it is like to know that I'm going!!   Honestly it is just mind blowing!!   God is just incredible!   I don't know how I can possibly forget that so easily, but I do.  Last year's conference was such an incredible blessing and helped my spiritual growth by leaps and bounds.  I've been riding that wave of excitement now for about 3 days since I found out I really was going.   I wish I could take every 18-25 year old I know but most of them, like me, are broke and can't afford to go.

One of my best friends arrives tonight!   I haven't seen him since June and hadn't expected to see him for up to 5 years, but he was able to get a quick leave and came to visit some friends and family before he is gone for a while!  I'm sooo excited!

I am so blessed, it blows my mind.

Why me?

I don't know.

And it makes me want to-- SHOUT!

Throw my hands up and--SHOUT!

Yeah.  

Things that make me want to scream:

In Frustration:

* Uncooperative Christmas Lights

* People who pull RIGHT out in front of you and drive 5 MPH on bare roads OR 11MPH in a 35 on bare roads.....

* Problems on tests that I made stupid mistakes on......all because my brain was fried from 3 Exams and 2 projects in 36 hours. 

* Stepping in puddles that make my socks wet.

* Not being able to figure out why my car (loaner) is stalling randomly while idling.

* Not being able to find a car to buy in my budget.

In Ecstasy:

* Laughing with Friends

* Good music

* Driving on empty roads (vroomvroom =P)

* Family (usually)

* When Stats finally click

* When I actually paint a half decent watercolor 

Never Have I Ever....Just Kidding

Do you ever feel like if you were put into a line up with 100+ other people and a random person was plucked off the street and asked to decide in the line up "Which of these is not like the others" that there is a GINORMOUS neon arrow pointing right at you?

Um................................ yeah.

"Are You On Crack?"

Why is this the response to my life in general?  I have no clue!  I'm just high on life, there is no banned or abused substance in my veins.....not even caffeine :)   I just have a lot of energy and warped sense of humor.  And a few ADD traits....combined with some OCD traits....HAHA

All in all life is good, I love it and love to share it!

Seemingly Contradictory Complexities

How can life be so complex, simple, contradictory, and full of joy all at the same time?  I don’t understand.  It makes my head spin.  

This was one of the most relaxing yet at the same time one of the most stressful weekends in a long time.   I loved having time to myself but wow, what a way to get there!

This prescribed “altered diet” is difficult.  I had not realized how addicted to coffee I had become, not in the daily quota sort of way but more in a when I’m wiped out and need a boost sort of way.  Not being able to access that extra little boost when I need it is hard.  Couple that with no chocolate, trying to avoid fatty foods, and a dairy allergy it is nearly impossible in a college cafeteria.  I feel like I am constantly craving something I can’t identify even if I’m not hungry.  This doesn’t make sense in my head at all.  On a much happier note, so far on day 4 of the new meds for my acid reflux I have had no headaches :)  YAY

Continuing in the contradictory theme…haha   How is it possible to be surrounded by so many people and yet feel so utterly alone at times?  Again, I don’t know.  Maybe it is my introvert-ness and the fact there are so few people that I can spend large chunks of time with without getting tired?  Not that this is making me unfruitful; I have definitely grown and am growing in my quiet times. 

Micah 6:8 has been my heart’s prayer for the past 9 months.  I know it is not attainable on my own as Elizabeth, but only by God through me.  I fail daily.  Hourly.  By the minute and second.  As much as I hate to cast judgment and want to be able to just love those around me, I can’t do it.  Flesh creeps in and sticks its meddling fingers into all of my well-laid plans, continually making a mess of things.  Paul’s Romans 7:15 For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.  Sigh.  It is so simple to just “Follow Jesus” but so my flesh makes it so complicated in execution!

Thank God for mercy and grace.  And I pray that those are planted in my life so firmly that I can in turn sow seeds of mercy in grace in the lives of people I am in contact with.  

Yes, this post is somewhat scattered.  Oh well. 

Story of My Life....No Seriously!

I never cease to be amazed at the ridiculous events that are so normal in my life!!!  It never fails that just when I think, “Oh, this week/day/situation couldn’t possibly get any worse” or “Surely nothing crazier than this can occur” I am repeatedly proven wrong.  God definitely has a sense of humor and understands me so perfectly to know that my independent self needs constant reminding how much I need to depend on him!

This week has been a prime example of such.  I had 2 exams and a large assignment due this week.  I was on duty on Fri/Sat/Sun and again on Wed/Thurs.   I had to work in the Academic Success Center on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday evenings as well.  Thursday night was also the movie night Res Life does and I’m in charge of.  Add into this recipe trying to tie together loose ends for the Res Life sponsored Mt. Katahdin trip, a flying trip to Bangor on Wednesday morning (Yes, 3 hours each way), and some fantastic headaches and a migraine from a medication I’m on and you have a pretty good picture of my week.  Oh, and my mom called on Thursday morning to say she had been the middle car in a 3 car accident and my car was totaled.  She was fine, thankfully!!!!!

I have been very much looking forward to the Katahdin Trip but there have been hurdles along every part of the planning.  I had one lovely lady threaten to sue me last week over a VERY minor miscommunication.  We were unable to reserve a parking spot in Baxter because the van info didn’t get through in time so that was just an extra something to think about. Yesterday morning the cafeteria informed me that our food would be ready to pick up at 3pm but they wouldn’t have a cooler because of another commitment this weekend.  No big deal, I’ll just borrow somebody else’s.  Well, the one trip into town to get 2 items ended up taking THREE trips when all was said and done and I was running drastically behind.  I packed literally in 10 minutes and ran over to the cafeteria to pick up the groceries/food.  Oh, sorry, nobody really knows what is going on and they didn’t have enough food ready….o brother.  THEN we finally get loaded and in the van and between Presque Isle and Houlton the van is running absolutely dreadful.  I could barely feel my arms it was vibrating so hard.  In between Bridgewater and Mapleton it started pulling hard to the right whenever the brake was used and when I let off the brake it pulled sharply to the left.  Fantastic.  Not to mention it was not shifting right……  We stopped at the Big Stop and the moment I got out I could smell the brakes.  Lovely.  Thankfully our housing director hadn’t made it out of Presque Isle on his way to Wilton yet and he was able to turn around, go back to school, find a driver and bring us another van.  Those of us stuck in Houlton hung out at Tim Horton’s for 2 hours.  LOL!  Honestly, it could have been so awful, but everyone was just laughing about the ridiculousness of the situation….I mean what are the chances that THAT MANY THINGS go wrong all at once?  There was really nothing to do but eat a donut, sandwich and drink coffee….lol  Finally our van arrived and we were on our way in the torrential downpour headed to Millinocket.  What a night.  It gets better.  Haha!  We get there, settle in, I lose the van key and we need it for the morning.  It took an hour to find it…….it somehow ended up under the toaster?   I woke everyone up at 4 this morning and shortly after they left for the Mountain I went back to sleep…..only to awaken in a dead sweat from a nightmare—that they had gotten to the mountain but there were no parking spots left and they had to come back.  O MY WORD!!!!!

Despite the rocky week preceding today, I am loving the time to myself on this beautiful pond. I won’t lie and say I wasn’t stressed this week.  I was wicked stressed out, but hey, it all falls together eventually!  God doesn’t operate on our time or necessarily with our sense of humor…..but He’s always working in the background, bringing everything together.

I'm dense.

I swear I am one of the most spiritually dense people ever.  I am such a slow learner.  I am so thankful for God's patience with me, that he would repeat lessons with me continually to bring me closer to himself.  Yet, I am so far from the destination.  Sigh.  One step at a time....in all directions. 



My Utmost for His Highest
September 24
Oswald Chambers


The "Go" of Preparation


"If you bring your gift to the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift."  Matthew 5:23-24


It is easy for us to imagine that we will suddenly come to a point in our lives where we are fully prepared, but preparation is not suddenly accomplished. In fact, it is a process that must be steadily maintained.  It is dangerous to become settled and life requires preparation and more preparation.  


The sense of sacrifice in the Christian life is readily appealing to a new Christian.  From a human standpoint, the one thing that attracts us to Jesus Christ is our sense of the heroic, and a close examination of us by our Lord's words suddenly puts this tide of enthusiasm to the test.  "...go your way.  First be reconciled to your brother...."  The "go" of preparation is to allow the Word of God to examine you closely..  Your sense of heroic sacrifice is not good enough.  The thing the Holy Spirit will detect in you is your nature that can never work in His service.  And no one but God can detect that nature in you.  Do you have anything to hid from God?  If you do, then let God search you with His light.  If there is sin in your life, don't just admit it--confess it.  Are you willing to obey your Lord and Master, whatever the humiliation to your right to yourself may be?


AND NOW FOR THE PART THAT HIT ME BETWEEN THE EYES........


Never disregard a conviction that the Holy Spirit brings to you.  If it is important enough for the Spirit of God to bring it to your mind, it is the very thing He is detecting n you.  You were looking for some big thing to give up, while God is telling you of some of tiny thing that must go.  But behind that tiny thing lies the stronghold of obstinacy, and you say, "I will not give up my right to myself" --the very thing that God intends you to give up if you are to be a disciple of Jesus Christ.  

So, um, yeah.  I'm dense.  I'm obstinate.  I am a vault of secrets and insecurities, carefully guarded with top notch security controlled by literally God only knows what.  Why the heck would he ever want me?   ....I'm about as vulnerable and soft as a stinking rock.  Sigh.  I don't think I'll ever know.  I'm glad he does, and I'm trying allow him in to open the vault.  .....And honestly, I'm petrified of what is inside.
  

FACADES

Facades.

Intentional or no, I believe we all have them to an extent.  Sometimes I wonder if they are to protect ourselves or to “protect” those around us from what we are afraid they’d think. 

What causes them?

I don’t know.  Maybe we’ve done something we’re afraid of judgment for?  Something or someone we are ashamed of?  Maybe there isa hurt on the inside that we are trying ot scab over.  Maybe it has healed but we are afraid of  re-injury.  Sometimes believe it may seem that there are facades when we need only to have the patience to knock, open the doors, and look beyond

An event that recently impacted me regarding facades was when I met a seemingly great young man.  While I would not consider him a friend, we were good acquaintances.  I generally consider myself a pretty good judge of character. 

**NOTE** I am not in anyway trying to pass judgment on this young man.  I am merely commenting on my reaction.**

In all of our interactions I was struck by the complete normalcy of him.  He was laid back, courteous, laughed, and smart.  He was excited about his program of study, hit it off well with his roommates and was looking forward to his next two years.  Then there was an unpredictable twist in his apparently normal life.  Somehow over a weekend, hem managed to become intoxicated, trashed a house, and was arrested.  It turns out he had a record of 2 prior arrests for alcohol related incidents.  Needless to say he is no longer here. 

Facades.

So carefully built, yet just one crack and it all falls apart.  I haven’t been able to shake this young man from my mind.  When I think of his story I am saddened.  Choices—our bricks in life that can be used to build a life of truth or to create a façade of what we seem to be.  I can only pray for him as his life has taken this sharp curve in another direction that God would bring someone into his life to ease his hurting and to give him blueprints for building a life of truth, a chance to remodel and build again. 

Recap

Stress. 

Somehow, through some odd twist of psychology, stress is both a good and a bad thing.  I guess it really isn’t that odd as everyone is always saying, “Everything in moderation.”  But what is the moderation allowed for stress before it becomes bad?  I am forever trying to balance this.  I get odd looks when I tell someone that because of my procrastination and perfectionism tendencies, I need a “therapeutic level of stress” in my life in order to help me achieve my goals. 

However, judging by the physical manifestations this week….I’d say the stress is headed toward the dark side.  Multiple canker sores?  Check.  Cracked lips?  Check.  Breakout on face?  Check.  Fatigued?  Check.  Racing thoughts?  Check.  Headache?  Check. 

There is a lot on my mind right now and I’m trying to sort through it and to give it up to the Lord. 

ResLife has had a good but psychosocially busy year so far.  It has required a lot of heart and patience.   I am so thankful that God has provided that to me as I’ve needed it.  Discernment to make good judgment calls—thank goodness for that. 

Tomorrow night is the first of our Small Group meetings……I think it will be a small group :).  I’m looking forward to it, but am hugely intimidated.  All prayers are VERY much appreciated.  

I Am A Terrible Blogger :)

For Today... April 20^th, 2010           

Outside my window...  SUN! SUN!! SUN!!!!

I am thinking... about what I could have eaten yesterday to make my stomach this angry…….

I am thankful for... dandelions.  =D

I am wearing...  pjs and my Polar Bear Dip 2010 hoodie

I am remembering...  June 2006, when college graduation seemed a million years away.

I am going... God only knows where.  Jobs are in very short supply….more school in the fall I think, but as to where I’ll be or what else I’ll be doing, not a clue!!

I am reading... Crazy Love by Francis Chan……..and all my nursing notes.

I am hoping... I have some directional response/answers soon…..I hate being suspended!!

On my mind... William Wallace and bagpipes *giggle* =P

From the learning rooms... Tests, projects, homework….and only 3 weeks to finish it all in!!! 

Noticing that... I have a lot to pack up

Pondering these words...  “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream”  C. S. Lewis

From the Kitchen...  Mmmmmmm I made awesome corn chowder yesterday....the cafeteria food this weekend was pretty bad. 

Around the house...  Mostly clean and picked up....so much easier to study that way!

One of my favorite things... Trout.  Some of the guys on campus had caught and cooked some last night.  Just walking by their window made my mouth water! 

From my photo journal...  Mary and I right before we went ice fishing last month :)  We love our rabbit furs :):):) 

 

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/