Just one more?

This has been running through my head for weeks now.  All day, everyday.  "Bless the Lord O my soul, O my soul, Sing like never before, O my soul,  I worship Your holy name."  I push myself to do this, but find myself always looking for "one more reason" first.  I need to remind myself I already have 10,000 reasons.....I shouldn't need more. 

Dandelion Analogies

A stubborn little weed that insists on shoving its impudent head through sidewalk crevices, hopping over flower garden barricades and taking over well kept lawns, a dandelion is a generally disliked nuisance of the summer months.  That said, as spring has finally sprung I've decided I like them.  They tend to tell a story about the people who  own the landscapes  they invade.  

Let me explain... 

Of course most people claim to hate dandelions, but most don't really seem to do much other than half heartedly douse them with RoundUp a couple of times a season.  Others though, they wage a full out war on the fuzzy flowers.  These people are the ones with the perfectly manicured lawns where every blade of grass is uniform and there are no "extra" hideaways taking up residence.  There are still others whose lawns could probably be more easily referred to as "dandelion patches," which are very similar to watermelon patches.....except no watermelons, just dandelions.  

The stories I was reading on people's front lawns went a little like this: dandelions will appear without fail every spring, that's just how it is.  Their yellow,  fuzzy, impudent blossoms fill children's arms and make bouquets for mom's with allergies every year.  None of this will change no matter which of the above three categories someone falls into.  I guess I was struck by how much time society puts into making a perfectly manicured lawn.  Now don't get me wrong, rolling green lawns do look pretty!  However, I decided I LIKED the little orangey yellow flowers because the houses that had them covering their lawns probably had people inside who decided there was something more important in their lives than winning the "best looking lawn" contest on their block.  They decided time spent with people was more important than time spent trying to determine how they would be perceived by said people.  (All of this makes sense in my head....maybe just not so much in writing).  If we spend all our time working out how we are going to "look" and be "perceived" but don't GO and actually spend time with the people being real, we are wasting one of our most precious resources--time. 

I hope my yard is full of dandelions someday.   :)

Defiled

"O' conscience let me be....to the pure, all things are pure.

To those who defiled unbelieving: nothing is pure. Their minds, their conscience defiled."

-Jennifer Knapp "Trinity"

How true this is.  My heart wrestles with this on a daily basis as I try to remember what lenses those around me are looking through.  Seeing things purely is not always a blessing....it would be so much easier to just see the surface and skim past in my day to day.  The defiled do not see the truth, a seeming blessing, but instead they see a skewed world, one with gaping holes where only God can fill in the missing scenes.

Brains....

So many days I just want to turn off my brain, to shut off the constant rolling over of scenarios, conversations, potential ideas and past mistakes.  I wish my brain wasn't so analytical and set on looking at every aspect of my life and those around me from every possible point of view.  It is exhausting.  I'm told that it shouldn't matter, I shouldn't care so much, that I go above and beyond.  Does anyone realize it isn't even so much of a choice of what I want to do, rather it is something I have to do to be able to live with myself?

Living with ADD has been described as living with hundreds of TVs all turned on to different channels in your head at once.  I don't have ADD, but there are days when I think I can understand what it feels like, when I have not only my own struggles to deal with and how I will accomplish MY to-do list, but then someone else's life derails and I'm sent into recovery mode.  Pick up their pieces, dust them off, pass them tissues, let them melt down and then begin the reassembly process.  My to do list tends to fall by the wayside, my apartment usually looks like a bomb went off because it's always the bottom of the priority list.

Yes, I suppose there are upsides, of being so in tune with people.  It makes it easier to read them and figure out if I'm on the right track, but it would be nice to have the option of when it happens or not.  There are just some days when I'm too tired (or think I am) to deal with anyone but myself, but the brain doesn't take days off.  I can't even send it on vacation!

I guess I'll just continue on, leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.