I'm dense.

I swear I am one of the most spiritually dense people ever.  I am such a slow learner.  I am so thankful for God's patience with me, that he would repeat lessons with me continually to bring me closer to himself.  Yet, I am so far from the destination.  Sigh.  One step at a time....in all directions. 



My Utmost for His Highest
September 24
Oswald Chambers


The "Go" of Preparation


"If you bring your gift to the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift."  Matthew 5:23-24


It is easy for us to imagine that we will suddenly come to a point in our lives where we are fully prepared, but preparation is not suddenly accomplished. In fact, it is a process that must be steadily maintained.  It is dangerous to become settled and life requires preparation and more preparation.  


The sense of sacrifice in the Christian life is readily appealing to a new Christian.  From a human standpoint, the one thing that attracts us to Jesus Christ is our sense of the heroic, and a close examination of us by our Lord's words suddenly puts this tide of enthusiasm to the test.  "...go your way.  First be reconciled to your brother...."  The "go" of preparation is to allow the Word of God to examine you closely..  Your sense of heroic sacrifice is not good enough.  The thing the Holy Spirit will detect in you is your nature that can never work in His service.  And no one but God can detect that nature in you.  Do you have anything to hid from God?  If you do, then let God search you with His light.  If there is sin in your life, don't just admit it--confess it.  Are you willing to obey your Lord and Master, whatever the humiliation to your right to yourself may be?


AND NOW FOR THE PART THAT HIT ME BETWEEN THE EYES........


Never disregard a conviction that the Holy Spirit brings to you.  If it is important enough for the Spirit of God to bring it to your mind, it is the very thing He is detecting n you.  You were looking for some big thing to give up, while God is telling you of some of tiny thing that must go.  But behind that tiny thing lies the stronghold of obstinacy, and you say, "I will not give up my right to myself" --the very thing that God intends you to give up if you are to be a disciple of Jesus Christ.  

So, um, yeah.  I'm dense.  I'm obstinate.  I am a vault of secrets and insecurities, carefully guarded with top notch security controlled by literally God only knows what.  Why the heck would he ever want me?   ....I'm about as vulnerable and soft as a stinking rock.  Sigh.  I don't think I'll ever know.  I'm glad he does, and I'm trying allow him in to open the vault.  .....And honestly, I'm petrified of what is inside.
  

FACADES

Facades.

Intentional or no, I believe we all have them to an extent.  Sometimes I wonder if they are to protect ourselves or to “protect” those around us from what we are afraid they’d think. 

What causes them?

I don’t know.  Maybe we’ve done something we’re afraid of judgment for?  Something or someone we are ashamed of?  Maybe there isa hurt on the inside that we are trying ot scab over.  Maybe it has healed but we are afraid of  re-injury.  Sometimes believe it may seem that there are facades when we need only to have the patience to knock, open the doors, and look beyond

An event that recently impacted me regarding facades was when I met a seemingly great young man.  While I would not consider him a friend, we were good acquaintances.  I generally consider myself a pretty good judge of character. 

**NOTE** I am not in anyway trying to pass judgment on this young man.  I am merely commenting on my reaction.**

In all of our interactions I was struck by the complete normalcy of him.  He was laid back, courteous, laughed, and smart.  He was excited about his program of study, hit it off well with his roommates and was looking forward to his next two years.  Then there was an unpredictable twist in his apparently normal life.  Somehow over a weekend, hem managed to become intoxicated, trashed a house, and was arrested.  It turns out he had a record of 2 prior arrests for alcohol related incidents.  Needless to say he is no longer here. 

Facades.

So carefully built, yet just one crack and it all falls apart.  I haven’t been able to shake this young man from my mind.  When I think of his story I am saddened.  Choices—our bricks in life that can be used to build a life of truth or to create a façade of what we seem to be.  I can only pray for him as his life has taken this sharp curve in another direction that God would bring someone into his life to ease his hurting and to give him blueprints for building a life of truth, a chance to remodel and build again. 

Recap

Stress. 

Somehow, through some odd twist of psychology, stress is both a good and a bad thing.  I guess it really isn’t that odd as everyone is always saying, “Everything in moderation.”  But what is the moderation allowed for stress before it becomes bad?  I am forever trying to balance this.  I get odd looks when I tell someone that because of my procrastination and perfectionism tendencies, I need a “therapeutic level of stress” in my life in order to help me achieve my goals. 

However, judging by the physical manifestations this week….I’d say the stress is headed toward the dark side.  Multiple canker sores?  Check.  Cracked lips?  Check.  Breakout on face?  Check.  Fatigued?  Check.  Racing thoughts?  Check.  Headache?  Check. 

There is a lot on my mind right now and I’m trying to sort through it and to give it up to the Lord. 

ResLife has had a good but psychosocially busy year so far.  It has required a lot of heart and patience.   I am so thankful that God has provided that to me as I’ve needed it.  Discernment to make good judgment calls—thank goodness for that. 

Tomorrow night is the first of our Small Group meetings……I think it will be a small group :).  I’m looking forward to it, but am hugely intimidated.  All prayers are VERY much appreciated.  

I Am A Terrible Blogger :)

For Today... April 20^th, 2010           

Outside my window...  SUN! SUN!! SUN!!!!

I am thinking... about what I could have eaten yesterday to make my stomach this angry…….

I am thankful for... dandelions.  =D

I am wearing...  pjs and my Polar Bear Dip 2010 hoodie

I am remembering...  June 2006, when college graduation seemed a million years away.

I am going... God only knows where.  Jobs are in very short supply….more school in the fall I think, but as to where I’ll be or what else I’ll be doing, not a clue!!

I am reading... Crazy Love by Francis Chan……..and all my nursing notes.

I am hoping... I have some directional response/answers soon…..I hate being suspended!!

On my mind... William Wallace and bagpipes *giggle* =P

From the learning rooms... Tests, projects, homework….and only 3 weeks to finish it all in!!! 

Noticing that... I have a lot to pack up

Pondering these words...  “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream”  C. S. Lewis

From the Kitchen...  Mmmmmmm I made awesome corn chowder yesterday....the cafeteria food this weekend was pretty bad. 

Around the house...  Mostly clean and picked up....so much easier to study that way!

One of my favorite things... Trout.  Some of the guys on campus had caught and cooked some last night.  Just walking by their window made my mouth water! 

From my photo journal...  Mary and I right before we went ice fishing last month :)  We love our rabbit furs :):):) 

 

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